The ManCrush

I'm sure many of you have heard of something called "The ManCrush." It is a term that gets thrown around and is often misunderstood by both men and women. I shall set the record straight today and tell you all you need to know about The ManCrush. I'll give you a brief definition and elaborate on it so you can know what a Manly ManCrush is and more importantly know if you are going too far and at risk of losing your ManHood by Crushing on a man instead of ManCrushing.

A ManCrush is defined as: An unusually strong appreciation for and attraction to the Skills, Abilities, and Character of another man.

The key here is that the attraction/appreciation that a ManCrushing man has on another man is firmly based on a certain Skill and/or Ability. A ManCrush has nothing to do with the physical appeal of another man. That isn't to say that a man cannot appreciate and acknowledge the physical prowess of another man, but that cannot be the basis of a ManCrush.

For example, I have a ManCrush on Blaine Waters. He is an extremely talented guitar player/singer, a fine golfer and a master of the Golden Tee machine. Also, Blaine happens to be a fine looking man over whom the women swoon.

Notice how my ManCrushing is based solidly on Blaine's skills and after that I add the side note of appreciation for his God gifted physical appearance. If the order was switched around that would not qualify as a ManCrush and even worse that would disqualify me as a man. A true ManCrush is indeed a Manly thing and a good thing, but it is also a dangerous thing. You must have the solid foundation I'm talking about here and you must be careful that you don't wander into Crushing versus ManCrushing.
One way to protect yourself is to have more than one ManCrush at any given time. If you have just one ManCrush it can be too easy to over Crush, if you have two that way your appreciation of Manliness is spread out a bit and you're less likely to go too far. Two is the ideal number, you could argue for three but if you have three ManCrushes you're just thinking about men too much overall. It's best if you stick with two, one as the starter (obviously your main ManCrush at the time) and then a back-up to balance yourself out. As you live life you'll realize that ManCrushes will come and go, that's totally fine just be sure to stick with two at a time.

Personally I am at the optimum ManCrush number of two, the above mentioned Blaine Waters and also my sons cardiologist Dr. Gremmels. A very smart/skilled Dr. who is basically saving my boys life, also he dresses very sharply (notice there again, it's okay to acknowledge such things as nice ties as long as the foundation of the ManCrush was the skill and ability of the man).

A lot of ManCrushes can be found in Professional sports, I know a couple of friends who are currently ManCrushing on Adrian Peterson. That's totally fine, there are admiring his skill and ability to run people over.

I'm glad I could bring some clarity and give you a few guidelines for this oft gray subject. The ManCrush is nothing to fear, when handled properely it is Manly emotion that all men experience.

29 Answers

Today my body turns 29, I say my body because my mind is infinitely wiser than any other 29 year old and cannot be measured in years. As a gift to you I will answer 29 random questions about my life that I sense you all are curious about.

1. Yes, I had an MRI on my hip this week because my dance moves are so incredible mere perfect human hips can't handle them.

2. No, I did not get claustrophic in the MRI machine...I napped.

3. No, there does not exist a good reason for shaving chest hair (Applicable only to Males).

4. Yes, Man Crushes are acceptable for men (I'll explain further and define the parameters of the ManCrush in my next post).

5. Of course I'm excited for my wife's company's holiday party where I will eat copious amounts of awesome shrimp and mildly partake in the open bar.

6. Yes, I have sung karaoke using the super sappy song from "Nottinghill."

7. No, that is not girly. I followed the ManRules for karaoke and thus the song selection was negated (I'll explain karaoke rules at a later date).

8. Yes, I did once run down Chicago's Navy pier barking at the tourist boat called "The Seadog."

9. Yes, the boat captain honked the horn.

10. No, I did not surf in the Pacific Ocean when I was there and it was 46 degrees, I thought about it though.

11. Of course I at least ran through the ocean surf in nothing but rolled up jeans humming "Chariots of Fire."

12. Yes, Courtney and I flashed the Pacific Ocean from a cliff.

13. Yup, there's photographic evidence....from behind.

14. No, you can't see it.

15. No, I did not like having two dogs chase my wife and I while on a shaky scooter on some back streets in the Bahamas.

16. Yes, I have been to Prague and yes Ben and I chased down two drunks fighting over passports, Ben pushed one guy over, there was wrestling about and I sat on one guy while the cops came.

17. Naturally, I went snowshoeing in British Columbia and of course Tim and I faked a fight and make-up in a series of photos on the way up.

18. Yes, I did moon the mountains while skiing in Colorado.

19. Again, yes there is photographic evidence and you can't see it.

20. Definitely! Jumping out of a hot air balloon at the same time as my soon to be wife was the best "rush" experience of my life.

21. Actually yeah, I have ridden the Stock Market bull in lower Manhattan, Luke did too and of course there are pictures (you can see those if you want).

22. Most Cetainly, I drove with Jeremy to why-not Minot, North Dakota to buy cowboy hats and yes we listened to country music and rode horses and went to the Blind Duck.

23. Yes, during road trips I've been known to remove my shirt and hang out of a window and/or sunroof and howl and/or fake box to the Rocky soundtrack, it wakes people up and can lead to a few laughs.

24. No, Jeff and I did not feel bad for driving to Chicago and totally mooching off Luke as he was on a company trip, gotta love friends who have expense accounts.

25. What kind of person do you think I am??? Of course I avoided the guy selling cocaine in Jamaica and yes I said no to the guy who waded out to me while I was snorkeling and pulled a bag of weed out and told me I could pay him later.

26. Alpine Valley, that's my favorite place for concerts and I think I've gone to 4 (all Dave Matthews Band).

27. Yeah it was kinda crazy when my wife and I were in Palm Springs getting snowed on up on a mountain and then 30 minutes later we were down and hot in the sun.

28. Strange but true, I did see a man with a machine gun tell Jesse he couldn't use the handicap bathroom while we were in Amsterdam on a layover.

29. Of course, I know you had a great time reading this and yes I will be back next year with 30 more answers that you will thoroughly enjoy as you have these.

Manly Music

At the end of my last post I referenced a song known as "My Rifle, My Pony and Me" without ever thinking that someone might not know the song (which seemed so preposterous it didn't even register as possible).
The thought that there are ears out there that haven't been blessed to hear this song is truly tragic and I almost experience emotion at the thought of it...almost.

For those poor individuals who have never heard/read this song I give you the lyrics now, ponder them and then find a way to listen to the song (the Dean Martin version of course)...you will be a better person for it.

"The sun is sinking in the west
The cattle go down to the stream
The redwing settles in the nest
It's time for a cowboy to dream

Purple light in the canyons
That's where I long to be
With my three good companions
Just my rifle, pony and me

Gonna hang (gonna hang) my sombrero (my sombrero)
On the limb (on the limb) of a tree (of a tree)
Coming home (coming home) sweetheart darling (sweetheart darling)
Just my rifle, pony and me
Just my rifle, my pony and me

(Whippoorwill in the willow
Sings a sweet melody
Riding to Amarillo)
Just my rifle, pony and me
No more cows (no more cows) to be roping (to be roping)
No more strays will I see
Round the bend (round the bend) she'll be waiting (she'll be waiting)
For my rifle, pony and me
For my rifle, my pony and me"

Man-Answers: Conditioner

In life there are many areas in which one may ask "Is what I am doing manly?" Some issues may involve seemingly minor daily activites while others will deal with deeper, character issues. It is my goal (which means it is already accomplished it's just a matter of time) to shed some light on a few of these questions and in the process give you the invaluable tools that I like to call ManPrinciples. These Principles will help you address any issue/circumstance and act accordingly in a Manly fashion. It is important to note however that often times more than one principle can be applied to a specific situation (as will you see in the following paragraphs), thus it is imperative that you read carefully and learn how and to what degree to apply said Principles.

Todays topic: Is it Manly to have a bottle of Conditioner and of Shampoo instead of combining the two and buying one all purpose bottle?

A blatant "No" seems like the obvious answer based upon one of the strongest ManPrinciples:

MP - Efficiency: "In any given situation the best and most Manly method of accomplishing a goal is that which requires the least amount of time and/or effort to SUCCESSFULLY accomplish that goal."

(Note the emphasis on "Successfully." Doing things quickly and haphazardly is not Manly, this is why a trip to the bathroom may take a man 30 + minutes and still be within the confines of the Efficient Principle. One must take the appropriate time and energy to ensure that the task at hand is properly accomplished while also not wasting time.)

After some further thought however, you can see how having a separate bottle for each stage of cleansing also falls under the Efficient Principle as it arguably leads to a more Successful hair washing experience. Plus, if you are married it is likely that your spouse will tend to be a 2 bottle hair cleanser and by not cluttering up the shower with multiple bottles you will line up with another ManPrinciple:

MP - Consolidation: "In most areas of life (esp. verbal communication, shopping, shaving) Less Is More."

We can even go a step further to defend the 2 bottle method as yet another ManPrinciple can come into play:

MP - Single Tasking - "A man should only do one specific thing at any given time as to fully lend his attention and deal appropriately with it."

You could say that by shampooing alone and conditioning alone you are adhering to this MP. As you can see this topic is more complicated than it originally appears.
The one bottle method does have another advantage as it lends to a faster washing and more time to relax in the shower. During which time you pretend you are in the depths of the forest during a rain shower while you set up camp beside a stream, make a fire and a cup of black coffee while contemplating how much of the bear to eat that you killed earlier in the day. You go through your supplies and say "Should we find a town tomorrow Duke or make do with what we can kill," Duke (your horse...obviously) softly nickers and you smirk "that's what I thought boy, we'll head out early and see if we can't catch up with this old boy's (stabbing a piece of bear meat) brother." After dinner you break into a little chorus of Dean Martin's "My Rifle, My Pony and Me" as you fade off into a fitful sleep of war nightmares and the man you used to be.

Final Verdict: It is okay and Manly to either use 2 bottles, 1 shampoo and 1 conditioner or 1 dual purpose bottle for your showering needs.

Meat?

I'm sure many of you are wondering whether or not I was able to provide some winter meat for my child and wife while hunting last weekend. The answer is yes, I killed a beast of the forest. It was not a large beast but it will make for good eating.
The killing itself was not an experience for the weak. I patiently waited for the creature of misfortune to step into an ideal position for me to shoot, I shot and hit the spot I was aiming for...naturally, and the deer dropped immediately. The reason I say it was a killing not for the weak is because as I approached the deer it was sitting in a pose not unlike one you might see in a magazine. Its ears were perked and it's big brown eyes were staring at me as if to say "you shot me and I can't move and I'm terrified but yet feel peaceful as I lay here slowly dying, please shoot me again so I may die faster but before you do know that I am grateful to you for allowing me to sustain your family this winter and for ending my life quickly so that I may forgo a winter of starvation and/or being painfully eaten by wolves."
With a nod and a wink I acknowledged the beasts plea, my rifle spoke swiftly and mercifully, there were a few last gasps of warm breath and then the creature lay still waiting to fulfill its destiny as my dinner.
I graciously gutted the deer and dragged it from the woods, soon its meat will don my dining table, oh the wonderful cycle of nature...such a beautiful thing.

Quote for the Week

Jerk Dad (JD): "You increased your lands......."

Guilty Son (GS): "Lands, titles..nothing, I have nothing! Men fight for me because if they do not I starve their wives and their children and throw them off my land. Those men...that bled the ground red at Falkirk, they fought for William Wallace and he fights for something that I've never had AND I TOOK THAT FROM HIM WHEN I BETRAYED HIM AND I SAW IT ON HIS FACE ON THE BATTLE FIELD AND IT'S TEARING ME APART!

(JD): All men lose heart, all men betray..

(GS): I DON'T WANNA LOSE HEART, I want to believe as he does.....I will never be on the wrong side again."

Wow, I have chills and if you don't and more importantly don't know where those line are from there is something wrong with you.

ps. Yes, those lines and many others are all from memory.

Photo Ops?

On this Halloween of 2007 I offer a light yet serious selection of photos to address the following question:

Is a snarl and/or sinister smirk and/or growl the best possible face a man can make in any situation?

The answer is a most definitive YES!

Enjoy.