As I was flipping through the channels the other day I regrettably paused too long on a station and heard the ever increasingly psychotic Tom Cruise speaking. I quickly navigated away from the channel but not before I heard him spew some more of his church of scientology (lower case intended) garbage. The man is brain washed, crazy, annoying and trying to infect others with his disease.
After I finished my little dry heave I thought about my DVD collection and what movies I have that are possessed with TC. Since Tom's craziness has matured and grown over the years it's easy to pick out some of the more recent movies and send them to a firey grave with the exception of "The Last Samurai." The awesomeness of the Samurai and the story as a whole negates the craziness of Tom. All his other recent movies, like "Collateral" or the alien one, aren't good enough stories and don't have a strong enough non-Tom element. However, when I came to "Top Gun" the decision wasn't so clear, seeing that Tom's craziness was in it's infancy perhaps the movie could be spared since it is somewhat of a "classic." I realize that many people probably own this movie so I thought it prudent to share with you my thought process and decision.
I quickly processed a list of pros/cons that looked like this:
Pros (ie. reasons for not burning)
-cool scenes of jets flying through sky and shooting each other
-Goose
-the line "your ego is writing checks your body can't cash
-cheesy, fake emotional Tom after Goose dies
-a very re-watchable story
-stupid, unrealistic stuff like "I'm gonna hit the breaks, he'll fly right by"
-the over the top bar scene with infamous "you never close your eyes..." song
-Ice Man
-cheesy line of the year "THAT'S RIGHT, Ice Man....I am dangerous"
-Tom throwing Goose's id tags like a 3rd grade girl
Cons
-Tom Cruise now represents evil known as scientology
-Tom throwing Goose's id tags like a 3rd grade girl
-cheesy, fake emotional Tom after Goose dies
-Kelly McGillis' acting
-the over the top tongue make-out scenes
-the homo-erotic beach v-ball scene
-knowing that TC is 5 foot 7 and the net was lowered 3 feet for the scene
-TC singing
-Maverick and Goose talking a little too closely and softly while only wearing a towel
-Did I mention that Tom Cruise is crazy and believes that he and all scientologists are "the experts on the mind"
As you can see there are arguments for both sides and many shared arguments. As a result of this seeming parody one might conclude that either burning or not burning "Top Gun" are both okay. You are wrong for thinking so, the weight of the first Con (Tom's craziness) rules out at least 5 of the Pro's. Therefore you Should indeed burn your copy of "Top Gun" and preferably dance around it while it incinerates. The only reason to not immediately set fire to it is if you are waiting and praying for the chance to burn it in front of Tom. If you are going this route, give yourself one year and if you haven't had the chance to publicly burn it just do it at home.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
The Ultimate Warrior
John Rambo is returning to the big screen once again to put down the forces of evil as only he can, a one man wrecking machine who saves lives and at the same time ends so many more! As we draw within 18 days of it's release I'm given to pangs of nostalgia and eagerness that can only be compared to Colombus seeing land on the horizon.
I know many, if not all of you will be attending this film and you are probably already planning the appropriate costume. I am currently debating between going in the garb of Rambo III or the much more impressive original Rambo movie outfit, jeans, burlap bag cut up and tied at waist with rope and of course the head band. I do completely endorse any outfits from any of the Rambo movies.
Before I go I'll leave you with a few quotes from the previous Rambo movies that will add to the fire of desire that has already been burning inside. Of course they will be from memory:
Rambo First Blood:
Troutman: You go after him with that many men you better not forget one thing..
Dumb cop: What's that?
Troutman: A lot of body bags.
Rambo holding knife to dumb cops throat after injuring/rendering useless all of his deputies: Raaaaahahhhahhh, I coulda killed em all, let it go...Let it Go.
Rambo explaining to Troutman why he won't come turn himself in: They drew first blood, they drew first blood.
Rambo II:
Rambo responding to idiot Murdock babbling about all the technology and sophisticated stuff that will help him fight: I've always believed the mind is the greatest weapon.
Murdock: Well, times changes.
Rambo: For some people.
Chick on boat in broken English: What bring you luck?
Rambo holding up ginormous knife: This.
Rambo to Murdock on the radio after being left for dead said with the most intense snarl/growl ever: Murdock, I'm coming for you!"
Rambo in helicopter blowing everything/everyone up: RRAAHAHAHRARHAHAAAAAARRARARAAARARARAAARRARRARAARR!
Rambo III:
Russian general torturing Troutman, asking about Rambo: Who do you think this man is...God?
Troutman: No, God would have mercy...he won't.
Rambo after pushing/pulling a stick that went through his side out and biting a bullet to pour the gunpowder into the wound to cleanse it and then lighting it: Aaahah.
Rambo looking at a helicopter, an assorment of armored vehicles and troops responding to a demand to surrender: F*#& em!
I know many, if not all of you will be attending this film and you are probably already planning the appropriate costume. I am currently debating between going in the garb of Rambo III or the much more impressive original Rambo movie outfit, jeans, burlap bag cut up and tied at waist with rope and of course the head band. I do completely endorse any outfits from any of the Rambo movies.
Before I go I'll leave you with a few quotes from the previous Rambo movies that will add to the fire of desire that has already been burning inside. Of course they will be from memory:
Rambo First Blood:
Troutman: You go after him with that many men you better not forget one thing..
Dumb cop: What's that?
Troutman: A lot of body bags.
Rambo holding knife to dumb cops throat after injuring/rendering useless all of his deputies: Raaaaahahhhahhh, I coulda killed em all, let it go...Let it Go.
Rambo explaining to Troutman why he won't come turn himself in: They drew first blood, they drew first blood.
Rambo II:
Rambo responding to idiot Murdock babbling about all the technology and sophisticated stuff that will help him fight: I've always believed the mind is the greatest weapon.
Murdock: Well, times changes.
Rambo: For some people.
Chick on boat in broken English: What bring you luck?
Rambo holding up ginormous knife: This.
Rambo to Murdock on the radio after being left for dead said with the most intense snarl/growl ever: Murdock, I'm coming for you!"
Rambo in helicopter blowing everything/everyone up: RRAAHAHAHRARHAHAAAAAARRARARAAARARARAAARRARRARAARR!
Rambo III:
Russian general torturing Troutman, asking about Rambo: Who do you think this man is...God?
Troutman: No, God would have mercy...he won't.
Rambo after pushing/pulling a stick that went through his side out and biting a bullet to pour the gunpowder into the wound to cleanse it and then lighting it: Aaahah.
Rambo looking at a helicopter, an assorment of armored vehicles and troops responding to a demand to surrender: F*#& em!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Problem: The Now
You may have been expecting a simple, happy-sappy post for the New Year but you will get no such thing from me. This will be the first of many "Problem" posts that I will give to you to so that you (society at large) can learn what you need to do to make your lives better and not have so many regrets. Heed my words, they are wise.
One of the main problems we face today in our American society is the Problem of the Now (PON). People are stupid and sacrifice their morals, dignity and decency for a moment of soulish pleasure. Our society has lost appreciation for longevity and the bigger picture.
There are many things that were given to us for enjoyment and pleasure but they have been abused much to our demise. Rather than enjoy a few splendid cocktails people get wasted which leads to many regretable acts, violence and general foolishness...not to mention the hangover. One could have fun with a few cheap hands of black jack but they go overboard and get addicted to gambling. There's no argument for drugs, they're just plain ridiculous and will only cause pain. Instead of the designed intimacy of sex within marriage physical pleasure has become a selfish, personal event that no longer has meaning or value.
One thing I hear to often (and sadly, from kids in schools where I sub) is "have an open mind," like that's some sort of excuse or reason to dabble in sin. It's said like it's a good thing, as if "having an open mind" has become the best virtue of our culture (granted there are many circumstances where it is indeed good to have an open mind ie. concerning cultural differences, racial equality, etc). Well I'm here to say that it's okay and good to have a CLOSED mind occasionally. You will thank yourself later, regretting doing something wrong is much worse than regretting not trying something.
The best thing you can do is to have a vision for the important things in life and a sense of the bigger picture. Grasping the bigger picture will keep you from using alcohol solely to get wasted and "escape" current circumstances. Having a vision for a pure wedding night will keep you from foolishly giving yourself away to fleeting situations that have no meaning. Knowing that true joy and pleasure come from honest, deep relationships (with God, family, friends, etc) and being a giving person will keep you from searching for those feelings in other dead end areas (ie. gambling, drugs, etc).
For this New Year my prayer is that we would all be more Closed minded and grasp the bigger picture and true joy that has been made available to us. It may seem like going for the immediate pleasure feels good (and it does...for a very short while) but in reality having patience and doing what is Right is what really feels the best. That's the way our world was designed and the sooner we all realize it and start living accordingly the better off we'll all be.
One of the main problems we face today in our American society is the Problem of the Now (PON). People are stupid and sacrifice their morals, dignity and decency for a moment of soulish pleasure. Our society has lost appreciation for longevity and the bigger picture.
There are many things that were given to us for enjoyment and pleasure but they have been abused much to our demise. Rather than enjoy a few splendid cocktails people get wasted which leads to many regretable acts, violence and general foolishness...not to mention the hangover. One could have fun with a few cheap hands of black jack but they go overboard and get addicted to gambling. There's no argument for drugs, they're just plain ridiculous and will only cause pain. Instead of the designed intimacy of sex within marriage physical pleasure has become a selfish, personal event that no longer has meaning or value.
One thing I hear to often (and sadly, from kids in schools where I sub) is "have an open mind," like that's some sort of excuse or reason to dabble in sin. It's said like it's a good thing, as if "having an open mind" has become the best virtue of our culture (granted there are many circumstances where it is indeed good to have an open mind ie. concerning cultural differences, racial equality, etc). Well I'm here to say that it's okay and good to have a CLOSED mind occasionally. You will thank yourself later, regretting doing something wrong is much worse than regretting not trying something.
The best thing you can do is to have a vision for the important things in life and a sense of the bigger picture. Grasping the bigger picture will keep you from using alcohol solely to get wasted and "escape" current circumstances. Having a vision for a pure wedding night will keep you from foolishly giving yourself away to fleeting situations that have no meaning. Knowing that true joy and pleasure come from honest, deep relationships (with God, family, friends, etc) and being a giving person will keep you from searching for those feelings in other dead end areas (ie. gambling, drugs, etc).
For this New Year my prayer is that we would all be more Closed minded and grasp the bigger picture and true joy that has been made available to us. It may seem like going for the immediate pleasure feels good (and it does...for a very short while) but in reality having patience and doing what is Right is what really feels the best. That's the way our world was designed and the sooner we all realize it and start living accordingly the better off we'll all be.
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