My blog silence has caused too much damage (ie. the current economic crisis), I have left you (the world) on your own for too long and it is time for me to come back and help you. I was hoping that with a little tough love I might be able to encourage you to fly on your own. So I pushed you out of the nest (by not blogging and feeding your knowledge starved minds) only to watch you fall straight to the ground, you were not ready. This year I plan to blog at least twice a month so you can come to the fountain of reason and truth and begin to get back on your feet. As usual my blogs will be insightful, soaked in logic and life altering. I will also occasionally throw in a lighter blog that will be as the life sustaining morning dew in the desert of your life.
Before I go and leave you to enjoy the excitement of my return I give you this list of Horrible Ideas, may you avoid them and rebuke those who partake in them:
HORRIBLE IDEAS
- dating (you should only be involved in courtships where the intent is to discover a spouse, nothing good comes from dating, the whole "you learn about relationships when you date" is crap)
- teaching your kids witchcraft (ie. letting them read Harry Potter or play with large cauldrons and dead animals)
- not ruling your emotions with the firm hand of logic
- PETA or any "save the animals/stop animal abuse/etc" type association (come on, people are homeless, starving and dying all over the world and you're gonna come on TV and tell me to give you $$$ because you found poor Rex in a garbage can!)
- valuing open-mindedness over truth (sorry but there is black and white and right and wrong in a lot of situations, it's good to be closed-minded in those instances)
- altering Chipotle and Chinese take-out for more than 2 meals in a row
- junior high and high school dances (at best they don't cause immorality but nothing good can or will ever come from them...unless your a fan of forming useless relationships, premarital sex and teenage pregnancy)
- challenging Jason Hetland to a Flex-Off
- filming an epic snow football match on a device that is not compatible with the average computer thus hindering the world from viewing the amazing footage
- insulting any member of my family
- getting upset over who's elected to the Presidency, doesn't matter who's there, God is still God
- being serious all the time
- thinking I'm wrong about any of the aforementioned items
Digest what I have given, I shall be back soon with more.
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A Voice of Reason in a Day of Unparalleled Stupidity
5 comments:
I'm just glad you didn't mention Santa.
The modern Santa is indeed a Horrible Idea...too big of an issue though, he needs an entire all to himself to delve into the evil that surrounds him.
truly mind cleansing... thank you
I agreed with you until the junior high / high school dance thing.. While it may be unless, it isn't harmful, unless a parent hasn't done a good job raising their children. Nothing is wrong with good clean useless fun.
I literally lol'ed at "thinking I'm wrong about any of the aforementioned items."
Surely you can't think you are never wrong.
I agree Kyle truly mind cleansing is the best for you.
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