Before I write a little bit about being a Man I feel I must share a quick story. I was talking to a good friend of mine (for privacy I'll just say his name is Tim Smith) and we were having a normal chat when a profound thing was spoken. I was giving out life-bettering advice and this phrase just flowed out of me: "If I know one thing Tim, it's everything." I didn't even think before I said it and I'm not sure where it came from, but it certainly fits. Apparently I know myself as well as I thought I did.
On to the subject at hand: Manhood. Manhood is one of those things that shouldn't have to be explained or asked about, men should just know what it is and that should be that. However, in this world of metrosexuals (aka. women) where chivalry is often a thing of the past I feel it necessary to share some rather obvious points about Manhood. My intent is that males take this information and check to see if you are indeed a Man and if not find out what things you can do to be a man. For my female readers my intent is for you to gain a set of standards by which any real Man will easily measure up to so you won't settle for less.
Important Note: The following information is by no means a complete compilation. Due to the vast numbers of flaky "men" out there I will continue to occassionaly write on this topic in the hopes of seeing a few lost souls find there way.
Note: I will be writing using "If....Then" statements and since I am a husband and father now I will being writing some statements concerning Manly husbands and Manly fathers.
If you are a Man Then:
You enjoy the ability to grow and groom generous amounts of facial hair, and if you don't have the ability you at least envy those who do and appreciate looking at a good thick beard.
Competition is fun for you, whether it be participating in or watching.
Grilling is something that you not only enjoy but insist upon (important note: grilling vegetables IS manly...as long as there is a meat course that goes along with it).
You spend time with your family. As the Godfather himself, Don Corleone said "A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man."
You know what movie the previous quote came from.
You love your wife and children, if applicable. Notice the two go together, it is Not possible to be a good father without being a loving husband. The single most important thing a Manly husband does is love his wife, the most important woman in his children's life. No matter how much time and love you give your kids you are Not a good Manly father if you don't love their mother and Show it.
The thought of chicken wings and beer make you salivate.
You realize that all men have a jerk gene in them and we will be jerks to the people we love, but a Manly Man doesn't just accept that, he works at it and strives to lessen the frequecy of being a jerk.
If fire + guns + gas + woods + boxer whiffleball + the greasiest food ever = good times for you.
The longest periods of time that you spend in the bathroom are not used for getting ready or showering.
You enjoy accomplishing things and providing for those who need you.
If God gave you bountiful chest hair you realize it's a good thing and leave it there.
You've read all these things and agreed with everything stated.
That's all for now, soak these in and make changes where you need to, I'll leave you with this quote from Mr. Vince Lombardi:
"Leadership rests not only upon ability, not only upon capacity; having the capacity to lead is not enough. The leader must be willing to use it. His leadership is then based on truth and character. There must be truth in the purpose and will power in the character."
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A Voice of Reason in a Day of Unparalleled Stupidity
14 comments:
Hi theDan,
Do the following things fall into your Manly Rules?
- Being able to shake your hips like Michael Jackson while getting your groove on.
- Having choreographed "motions" that you act out to every song you love.
- Cuddling with and kissing your significant other A LOT, and loving it.
- Thoroughly enjoying and quoting movies such as, say, Notting Hill, Moulin Rouge and the Sound of Music?
Just wondering.
"The longest periods of time that you spend in the bathroom are not used for getting ready or showering." was my favorite.
This post was, as always, pure genius. No other man so eloquently puts forth these maxims.
Meg, all the things you said can be contained in "loving your wife," so yes they are Manly but they should only be for a select audience.
Nontalk, touche.
theDan, I've always looked to you for wisdom on ManHood however I am starting to get concerned.
Shouldn't a man have a morsel of some insight somewhat on football? How can you only have 218 points in a pick 'em league where the leader (albeit he is a dominant force) has 315 points and the only person that you are within 73 points of didn't even make picks one of the three weeks?
Please enlighten me.
theDan,
I was born a female but can relate to many of your manly rules. I LOVE to grill vegetables and have experienced the "jerk gene" firsthand. If I was stranded on a desert island, beer would be my drink of choice. Most disturbing, however? My yearning to grow a big thick rug of chest hair. Does this mean I am really a man trapped inside the body of a woman?
g-girl -
That is disturbing.
Luke, Manhood is not so trivial that the results of guessing winners and losers can affect it. Besides, you don't want me to actually think about my picks, wouldn't be fair. Plus the leaders at the beginning of a season are rarely those still standing at the end.
G-girl, I do not believe you are a man trapped in a womans body. Rather you are a woman who desperately wants a Manly man with a hairy chest that needs combing. Your post, while disturbing, just shows how the lack of Real Men in this world affects the minds of the women
I need no further entertainment this evening, I am satisfied.
Thank you for the post. Both my wife and I enjoyed reading. We laughed particularly hard at the thought of combing chest hair...then I thought of Hetland and how he'll never comb his own chest hair (poor fellow).
My wife liked your paragraph about loving your spouse, so did I. Well and biblically spoken.
Keep on writing!
"Plus the leaders at the beginning of a season are rarely those still standing at the end."
So Dan, does this mean you admit that the 3-0 start for your beloved Packers is just a facade?
Yes, it is true. The spice and salt of a man is his thick, dark, curled, glistening blanket of chest hair...and, if you are lucky, there are dashes of highlights that can be found dancing across the pectorals as the sun shines across the shag of love.
It is the elusive, finely tuned and manicured spread of fur that will catch anyone's eye admiring it. Only a true man could wear (and care for) such an accessory.
Only a true womanly woman could spend her days near (and sometimes within) the almighty rug.
g-girl: never run from a sweeping tidal wave of shag. Embrace it, love it, condition it, and... maybe... on the sands of SL, you can nuzzle in its greatness. Good luck!
Phil, your kind words are appreciated. I shall keep writing and you shall continue to reap the benefits.
Jeff, notice I said "rarely" not never. It is nice to see the old man "revived" a little but the Pack is doing well because of its defense. They'll have a decent year but won't go far unless they get some sort of running game going.
Drinkup, uh...wow.
Everything that you say makes so much sense that I can't feel my legs.
APortaMan,
Thank you for enlightening me so much about what a real Man is. It is comforting to know that I snagged one for myself. I thoroughly enjoyed this post and look forward to more posts about Manhood.
Oh - and thank you for the Manly Husband part. I pray your wisdom reaches millions of "girly husbands" out there.
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