Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Man-Answers: Conditioner

In life there are many areas in which one may ask "Is what I am doing manly?" Some issues may involve seemingly minor daily activites while others will deal with deeper, character issues. It is my goal (which means it is already accomplished it's just a matter of time) to shed some light on a few of these questions and in the process give you the invaluable tools that I like to call ManPrinciples. These Principles will help you address any issue/circumstance and act accordingly in a Manly fashion. It is important to note however that often times more than one principle can be applied to a specific situation (as will you see in the following paragraphs), thus it is imperative that you read carefully and learn how and to what degree to apply said Principles.

Todays topic: Is it Manly to have a bottle of Conditioner and of Shampoo instead of combining the two and buying one all purpose bottle?

A blatant "No" seems like the obvious answer based upon one of the strongest ManPrinciples:

MP - Efficiency: "In any given situation the best and most Manly method of accomplishing a goal is that which requires the least amount of time and/or effort to SUCCESSFULLY accomplish that goal."

(Note the emphasis on "Successfully." Doing things quickly and haphazardly is not Manly, this is why a trip to the bathroom may take a man 30 + minutes and still be within the confines of the Efficient Principle. One must take the appropriate time and energy to ensure that the task at hand is properly accomplished while also not wasting time.)

After some further thought however, you can see how having a separate bottle for each stage of cleansing also falls under the Efficient Principle as it arguably leads to a more Successful hair washing experience. Plus, if you are married it is likely that your spouse will tend to be a 2 bottle hair cleanser and by not cluttering up the shower with multiple bottles you will line up with another ManPrinciple:

MP - Consolidation: "In most areas of life (esp. verbal communication, shopping, shaving) Less Is More."

We can even go a step further to defend the 2 bottle method as yet another ManPrinciple can come into play:

MP - Single Tasking - "A man should only do one specific thing at any given time as to fully lend his attention and deal appropriately with it."

You could say that by shampooing alone and conditioning alone you are adhering to this MP. As you can see this topic is more complicated than it originally appears.
The one bottle method does have another advantage as it lends to a faster washing and more time to relax in the shower. During which time you pretend you are in the depths of the forest during a rain shower while you set up camp beside a stream, make a fire and a cup of black coffee while contemplating how much of the bear to eat that you killed earlier in the day. You go through your supplies and say "Should we find a town tomorrow Duke or make do with what we can kill," Duke (your horse...obviously) softly nickers and you smirk "that's what I thought boy, we'll head out early and see if we can't catch up with this old boy's (stabbing a piece of bear meat) brother." After dinner you break into a little chorus of Dean Martin's "My Rifle, My Pony and Me" as you fade off into a fitful sleep of war nightmares and the man you used to be.

Final Verdict: It is okay and Manly to either use 2 bottles, 1 shampoo and 1 conditioner or 1 dual purpose bottle for your showering needs.

10 comments:

jdmill said...

I would propose, as I also employ, a third methodology. As a married man there is certainly both shampoo and conditioner in my shower. I squirt both the shampoo AND the conditioner into my hand, mix them together, then clean my flowing mane.
In this way I accommodate my gal, while also accommodating my natural desire to complete a task both efficiently and thoroughly.

il Dan said...

Jeremy, your forward thinking and innovation are a testament to your Manly ways.
I salute you.

Anonymous said...

I miss Duke....

Jeff said...

Conditioner? Seriously? Is it manly to even be talking about conditioner in the first place? Perhaps as single man I am missing the point here.

Happy Thanksgiving fellas.

il Dan said...

Jeff, it is manly to be talking about conditioner, You are Indeed MISSING THE POINT! Grow up.

Happy Thanksgiving to you as well.

ps. We sorely missed you at the Jer's 30th.

Ehlan said...

I also miss Duke.

il Dan said...

Jeff, I must apologize. I rebuked you too harshly, I am sorry dear friend.

Mama D, Ehlan, Duke misses you too. He wanted to tell you that he often canters along lonely babbling brooks in the mountains dreaming of duct taped keyboards and finger print smudged glasses.

Jeff said...

Ports, no worries about a harsh rebuke. We'll just agree to disagree. I just don't think conditioner is a manly topic. have a super swell Thanksgiving.

il Dan said...

Jeff, I don't know how to tell you this....you just disagreed with me.
The topic did indeed need to be addressed because it needed an answer. It is manly to confront issues of all varieties and solve them.

ps. People know me.

Jeff said...

I'm a pretty big deal. Merlin Olson comes over on occasion.