Photo Ops?

On this Halloween of 2007 I offer a light yet serious selection of photos to address the following question:

Is a snarl and/or sinister smirk and/or growl the best possible face a man can make in any situation?

The answer is a most definitive YES!

Enjoy.

A Few Thoughts

During the last 2 weeks my boy has been sick and thus there hasn't been a lot of sleeping going on in the house, during this time of semi-consciousness I've had many random thoughts float through my head. I will share some of them with because I'm sure there are a few that are quite profound.

Thoughts while neither fully awake or asleep:

I really enjoy spicy food.

The last race at the end of "Chariots of Fire" is still one of the top 5 goosebump scenes in cinematic history.

I've been watching and enjoying Survivor, although I'm immensely more excited to start watching The Amazing Race (the second greatest reality show right behind Ted Nugent's show which will never be topped).

Kris Collins is now a married man, congrats!

Gun opener is next weekend and I look forward to killing a beast or two, ripping it's guts out with my hands and bringing the meat home for my wife and boy to feed upon.

I regularly find inch + long eyebrow hairs and I must say that I'm excited at the prospect of being an old man with long wispy eyebrow hairs.

What if bruises never healed?

The combination of a crisp fall afternoon and the smell of grilling is refreshingly fabulous.

Adelvise, adelvise every morning you greet me, small and white, clean and bright, you look happy to me, to me....

I'm convinced that in Heaven when the angles sing it sounds like a thousand box fans running in unison, such a peaceful wonderful sound.

Cesar Milan (the Dogwhisperer) should be involved in all international disputes/peace talks/political debates/etc. When anyone gets out of line he can do his chhtt cchhhtt thing and if gets really bad he could just pin them to the groud and hold them there until they demonstrate calm submissiveness.

Blossom of winter bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever!

Pretentious people suck, you all know who you are so just knock it off.

I shot baskets the other day for the first time in a long time, I proceeded to hit 95 out of 100 freethrows and I was about %80 from 3-pt range and beyond....I was thoroughly disappointed.

"Like your work, love your wife." Wise words from Del Griffith (you better know what movie this is from).

Dogs that are under a certain weight need a different name, it just seems so wrong to lump a 2 lb Chihauhau yipper in the same category as an 80 lb loyal, house protecting, burglar eating German Shepherd. I'm open to suggestions, I've only come up with Ferats (cause they're more like rats and ferrets), Dunnies, or Pogs.

I'l finish this rambling with another good quote: "Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them." Thank you Mr. Abraham Lincoln.


A picture of my personal facial hair was requested so here's some minor winter growth that I had last year (growth time was approximately 2 days). This year I look forward to repeating the same beard and maybe even letting it go a little longer.

Facial Hair

As men most of us have the unique priviledge to grow and groom hair that grows upon our face. It is a gift that God has given us and we ought utilize it to some extent at least once a year.
I personally always have at least a little scruff, it's been over a year since a blade has touched my cheeks, and enjoy growing a full beard during the winter months.

I encourage you to explore the endless world of facial hair and use this gift that we men have. Here are some examples of very dedicated men who take advantage of their abilities.

It's Dusty in Here

Is it okay for men to cry? This question has been discussed many times throughout history and I shall finally put the issue to rest.
First we must make a very important distinction between crying and sobbing. I define crying for men as "teary eyes and/or an obvious display of uncomfortable emotion, ie. looking away, gritting of teeth." A single tear, and only a single tear is allowable in some instances. Sobbing is "an extensive, charasmatic display of extreme emotion in which tears flow down the cheeks, whimpering is heard perhaps wailing, all while the shoulders bob up and down with the pain of the afflicted."

It is indeed okay for men to experience both of these forms of what I call "occular discharge," however the events during which said emotions may acceptably be displayed are very specific.

Sobbing may be publicly displayed during times of extreme personal loss. The best example being Maximus in "Gladiator" when he finds his wife and child. An example of bad, inexcusable sobbing that greatly detracted from Manhood would be either Johnny Fontaine in "Godfather Pt 1" when the Godfather had to slap him for crying about his career or Adam Morrison when he wept like a little girl after losing a basketball game.

Note: If you can ever follow up a sobbing session by becoming an unbeatable gladiator and overthrowing an evil Emperor it is preferred.

For crying there is a little more freedom, but not too much. It is acceptable in the following instances: funerals (single tear allowed, assuming that any sobbing session already occured if not sobbing is allowed/recommended), your dog of more than 4 years dies (single tear acceptable if more than 12 years and you're there to say goodbye while they're put to sleep), after visiting a friend/family member who is in physical peril/pain (single tear allowed), listening to William Wallace scream "freeeeeeddooomm" at the end of "Braveheart," after retiring from a sport as long as you played at least 10 years (single tear allowed if done in private), watching your offspring excel in some area of life and telling them your proud of them. That's pretty much it.
There are many other situations in which strong emotions are acceptable but for men the best way to express those emotions is by hitting something instead of crying.

Important Note: Tears caused not by emotion do not count as crying, ie. accidentally snorting jalapeno seeds, getting punched in the nose.

Very Important Note: Physical pain is Never an excuse for crying! Swearing, grunting, yelling and pounding the ground are all acceptable but tears are not an option.

Things I've learned this week...

A sick baby = lots of work and no sleep

I can function after several nights of no more than an hour of undisturbed sleep, I may not be coherent but I can function.

That's all for now, I must go nap.

Already a Fan

I was born in MN and raised by a Packer fan and thus have had trouble finding my Pro Football fan indentity. For all other sports I'm a MN man, T-wolves, Twins and Wild all the way (although I'm not much of a hockey fan), but for football I'm basically a player. I like 2 teams that are bitter rivals, Vikes/Pack. I know it's ridiculous but I was a mere boy when this happened and I can't change history. I have never been able to leave one completely for the other. When Favre is gone my interest in the Pack will drop considerably, but the damage has already been done. I'm a Pro Football polygamist, there I said it. I'm not proud of it, it's the just the path that my life has taken.

However, for college football I have been able to fully commit to my MN Gophers. There was a time in my youth when my Dad's affinities for Michigan seeped into me but my feelings never got much past respect and appreciation for the history. I have always rooted for the Gophers and look forward to Brewster taking us to the Rose Bowl, I am a one college team man forever.

For my son I would like to pass on the loyalty to the Gophers and as you will see below, it's a good fit, they were made for each other. As far as Pro teams go I will only encourage him to pick his team and stick with it, it's tough being a polygamist fan in today's world and I don't want him to have to go through the persecution that I have.

Here's another fan who will hopefully grow up as the Gopher's firmly establish a winning tradition:

Rules for Replying

Recently I had to delete a comment on this site because of the careless and utterly ridiculous manner in which it was written. To avoid such wastes of cyberspace in the future I will give you a few guidelines/rules for commenting on this site. Adhere to them closely, not doing so will waste my readers and my time but more importantly hinder your growth as an intelligent human being.

Rules for Replying:

Don't ever give theDan advice, it's like telling Grizzly Adams how to grow a beard, absolutely insane and unnecessary.

NEVER question or even comment on theManliness of theDan unless it's to say how amazing it is.

Never ridicule another commenter, you may question and gently criticize but it my job alone to ridicule.

Don't make depressing posts, yes most of you have a long way to go as human beings but there is Always hope, just keep reading and learning. You can become a relatively intelligent person.

Don't make assumptions.

Read your comment aloud 5 times before posting it so you can make as much sense as your mind can possible make.

Don't cuss or insult Jeremiah Johnson, it's classless (if you don't know who Jeremiah Johnson is, find out).

Don't write any dissenting opinions, rather reread what I wrote in a quiet room with a glass of water. If you still don't agree or see my wisdom begin to contemplate what is wrong with you.

Don't drink and post.

Never post while crying. I do know that my words will often bring tears of guilt, inadequacy and general malaise for where you're at in life, but you must not comment in such a mood. Wait until you are not so overcome with emotion and in a more stable state of mind.

Following these simple rules will guarentee a valuable interaction between myself and all of you. I am here for your betterment.

A Little Make Out

Last Monday I made a quick observation that would make your week and life better. I've decided to make that a weekly occurence, I will try to write a post each Monday (schedule permitting) that will give you a little piece of wisdom to make life a little better for you.

This weeks post is for married people only, those of you who are engaged may read and save the advice. Those of you who are single may take the next few minutes that you would've spent reading this post to ponder the following: is theDan good enough to beat himself in (insert any form of one on one competition)?

As we grow older life tends to get more busy, more responsibilities are put on us and our schedules become much more constricted. As married couples, especially with children, we must make sure that we are taking time to make out a bit. It's easy and justified after a tiring day of working and/or parenting to just plop down on the couch and veg out for a bit. As a master of couch sitting I cannot say there is anything wrong with that, however, I will say that every so often it's good to grab your lady or vica versa (lady grab your man) and get down to kissing. If you do this even once a week you'll find that life is a little better. There's just something about good make out that is so right. Now don't get me wrong, there are other forms of intimacy that are Very important for us married folk ( *eyebrow raised in suggestive manner with smirk on my face* ) but we must not lose touch with the simple make out session.
All you husbands take a night this week to surprise your lady with a little couch make out session (or back seat of the car if you want to be spontaneous...even if it's in the driveway). Do it at least once, maybe even twice this week, lips were made for kissing!

Before I leave you to plan your lip loving I must clarify specifically what I mean by Making Out.
I define Making Out as "sustained smooching that follows an ebb and flow of soft, gentle kissing and more vigorous, passionate lip-locking with the occasional neck smooch/nuzzle and ear nibble." It's important to note that while groping does occur it is PG-13 groping (arms, some leg, back, neck, partial buttock) and all clothes stay on.

Have fun this week with your kissing, if you need specific information on types of kisses and techniques feel free to ask, I am an overflowing well of knowledge.

Rare Beauty

I'll be the first to admit that I am not the only man is this world who is wise And looks stunning in a mustache. There's another such man who lives in Canada and shares his vast sports knowledge with the world. His name is Jeff and you can find his words and Utterly Amazing picture here: www.mwsr.blogspot.com

Also, here in Minnesota there is another man with immense wisdom who focuses on the Gophers....and just plain looks good. He is theJer and he can be found at: www.gopherfootball.blogspot.com

Take a Nap

A quick observation for your Monday:

This world is full of morons and over dramatic freaks who flip out if their coffee is too hot, the red light doesn't turn green fast enough, if so and so called them a name, blah blah blah. A lot of the time the problem is that people are just plain stupid, too high strung, and don't have correct perspective. These people need some serious help and I will dedicate a future, more in-depth post on how they can stop being so ridiculous. However, there are some relatively normal people, capable of logical thought who also flip out. It is you people I direct this brief morsel of wisdom: Take a Nap. If you just take a few minutes to totally relax you'll be amazed at how your daily attitude and outlook will be improved. If you can't take a nap, take a slow walk to lunch or a slow walk to the bathroom. Just set aside a few moments of your day to forget the rush of the world around you and veg out. Yes, this is rather simple, obvious advice and yes it is somehow packed with wisdom and insight.

Learn from a perfect babe and the wise one who sired him: