To: You
Enjoy!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Teh Groove
I'm a day late but I must extend a "Happy Birthday" to Jesse Gavin (aka. the Groove, teh Groove, GavJess, GrooveNasty, JGav, Groovin'). The man is now 30 and I can say that I've known him all 30 years. He's a skilled guitarist, enjoys softball and whitty banter, reads Harry Potter (sadly), lived as a vampire for a few years, appreciates a good man-cuddle and could make even the most depressed person laugh out loud.
Happy Bday Groove.
Here's a pic taken right before we went into the wilderness to live off the land and kill a bear using a rock thus becoming men...I'm the stylish one with the colored socks.
Happy Bday Groove.
Here's a pic taken right before we went into the wilderness to live off the land and kill a bear using a rock thus becoming men...I'm the stylish one with the colored socks.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Beware the FALL BEAST
I must first apologize for my lack of frequent posting as of late, it is not fair for me to leave you wandering in the dark for so long.
I come back to you now with an urgent warning. As the seasons change and we head deeper into fall you must be aware of a rare Beast who only rears his ugly head during this time of year. The creature is indeed here all year round but can only be seen when the leaves change, at which time he occasionally comes out of hiding to attack the unsuspecting. If you hear strange rustling of leaves and gentle growls run, run and for the love of all that's good and right Don't Look Back! If you see him, it's probably too late, you'll be frozen with shock at his grizzly grotesqueness and you're well being will be in his hands. If you can somehow recover from the sight of his awesome beastliness you may have time to try to play dead and hope he leaves you alone. Avoidance, however, is the only sure way to get through this fall without being scarred by the beast. Walk quickly from your cars to your homes and try to stay away from large leaf piles.
I've included a picture below, taken several years ago, the last time the beast was seen by a living person. Sadly that person has still not recovered, beware of letting children see the following and don't look for too long, even in photos the eyes of the FALL BEAST are piercing:
I come back to you now with an urgent warning. As the seasons change and we head deeper into fall you must be aware of a rare Beast who only rears his ugly head during this time of year. The creature is indeed here all year round but can only be seen when the leaves change, at which time he occasionally comes out of hiding to attack the unsuspecting. If you hear strange rustling of leaves and gentle growls run, run and for the love of all that's good and right Don't Look Back! If you see him, it's probably too late, you'll be frozen with shock at his grizzly grotesqueness and you're well being will be in his hands. If you can somehow recover from the sight of his awesome beastliness you may have time to try to play dead and hope he leaves you alone. Avoidance, however, is the only sure way to get through this fall without being scarred by the beast. Walk quickly from your cars to your homes and try to stay away from large leaf piles.
I've included a picture below, taken several years ago, the last time the beast was seen by a living person. Sadly that person has still not recovered, beware of letting children see the following and don't look for too long, even in photos the eyes of the FALL BEAST are piercing:
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
The Woods, Part I of LVII (aka. 57)
Ahh the Woods, being "up North" away from the city is a most excellent experience. There are so many good things about being amongst the trees it can be hard to know where to start the appreciating. Luckily for you, I am here to help and to give written expression for your feelings. In this ongoing series of posts I will go through just 57 (to keep it reasonable) of the core "Joys of the Woods" so that you can appreciate your outdoor experiences more specifically. As you read this series (each part will be short and sweet so you can take it all in) you will be able to put into words your feelings and you'll know Why you like the woods so much, and therefore be able to enjoy them even more. I know I know, you are welcome.
Side Note: If you do not enjoy the woods and/or nature at all you are lying to yourself and are probably unhappy in general for neglecting the God-created natural earth.
On to Part I, which I shall call "Potty in the Woods."
True Story: I'm walking through the woods, just my rifle, my whit and the trees when I feel a familiar urge to release bodily waste. For a brief instant my city damaged mind begins to think of where the nearest facility is, but then in a beautiful moment I realize I am exactly where I need to be to take a pee...the woods. In a majestic picture of the cycle of life I relieve myself giving back to nature as it has given to me. The only thing that could make the moment any better would be if it was raining and I titled my back and drank the replenishing water thus instantly demonstrating the rain cycle.
Being in the woods gives the freedom as well as the necessary cover to go to the bathroom in the most appropriate, tranquil setting. You may wonder why it feels so right going to bathroom in the woods and the answer, as my story told, is that you are directly fulfilling the cycle of life that was put in place when God created this amazing earth. When we do what we were created to do our souls are satisfied, granted going to the bathroom in the woods is a small thing compared to other things we have been created for, but nonetheless it is a part of our original creation to go Potty in the Woods.
Side Note: If you do not enjoy the woods and/or nature at all you are lying to yourself and are probably unhappy in general for neglecting the God-created natural earth.
On to Part I, which I shall call "Potty in the Woods."
True Story: I'm walking through the woods, just my rifle, my whit and the trees when I feel a familiar urge to release bodily waste. For a brief instant my city damaged mind begins to think of where the nearest facility is, but then in a beautiful moment I realize I am exactly where I need to be to take a pee...the woods. In a majestic picture of the cycle of life I relieve myself giving back to nature as it has given to me. The only thing that could make the moment any better would be if it was raining and I titled my back and drank the replenishing water thus instantly demonstrating the rain cycle.
Being in the woods gives the freedom as well as the necessary cover to go to the bathroom in the most appropriate, tranquil setting. You may wonder why it feels so right going to bathroom in the woods and the answer, as my story told, is that you are directly fulfilling the cycle of life that was put in place when God created this amazing earth. When we do what we were created to do our souls are satisfied, granted going to the bathroom in the woods is a small thing compared to other things we have been created for, but nonetheless it is a part of our original creation to go Potty in the Woods.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Book Ideas
One of the perks, if you want to call it that, of substitute teaching is a movie or study hall day. I find that I'm able to get quite a bit of reading done and there are a few books that I've thoroughly enjoyed recently and I thought I'd share them with you.
Side note: You'll notice that none of them are fictional, in my old age I've found that I have no drive to read about something that didn't really happen. I know there are very well-written books that are fiction, but for me I can't justify taking the time to read a fake story when I could be reading something true and/or learning something I didn't know. I'm all about what I like to call "reality reading."
On to my suggestions and why you should read them:
"Heaven" by Randy Alcorn.
This is a quite lengthy book (I still have a few chapters to finish) but very worth the time required to read it. The author presents a view of Heaven that is totally scriptural and well researched. As one who "grew up" in the church I've found it fascinating. Heaven, at least in my church, wasn't ever talked about in detail and described based on the scriptural glimpses the Bible gives. While the author does make some speculations I don't totally see they are all in accordance with scripture or at least not going against scripture. It's been the most thought provoking book I've read in a long time. For me having a more educated understanding of Heaven or the "end goal" makes the journey here on earth that much easier and clearer. I think a proper view of the goal (and the Bible does give us a decent view, it's not like God left us to guess what our eternity will be like) can significantly impact how one lives their day to day life. The Bible tells us to "keeps our eyes on the things above," if we really do that and know what awaits us in Heaven temptations will become easier to resist and decisions will be easier to make in light of all that God has prepared and will prepare for us. The truths in this book have given me a new respect and appreciation for the speck of time that is our life on this earth compared to an eternity with Jesus, on a New Earth untouched by sin, living in a resurrected body forever in God's presence. It's truly amazing.
ps. For those of you who love John Piper, he's quoted often.
"Walk on Water: Inside an Elite Pediatric Surgical Unit" by Michael Ruhlman.
The author of this book spent a year or so following one of the best pediatric surgeons in the world. It's an intense, detailed look into the world of pediatric heart surgery. Congenital heart defects are the most common defects in the world and as recently as the 1970's mortality rates were incredibly high (%30+). The book does a good job of giving a concise history of this specialized field while at the same time sharing what everyday life is like for these Dr's and patients and patient's families. Obviously I was interested in this book because my son has a heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot and also because his surgeon (who will be doing his full repair in two weeks) happened to be doing a one year fellowship in the exact unit the author is writing about. I suggest the book for anyone for a few reasons, it's really rare to get such an inside look at one of the if not the most intense profession, it's totally engrossing and therefore a quick read, and finally because the information is not only intriguing but tangibly valuable. One of the themes of the book is parents who get thrown into this world and they just don't know their options. A lot of what the Dr. in this book does is correct other hospitals mistakes, parents need to know what questions to ask and that they do indeed have options.
A quote in the book from my sons surgeon Dr. Moga:
"You can't hide when you're a peds heart surgeon, you know who you are and where you stand. Because the stakes are so high, because there's so much at risk, there's no room for dishonesty...It's clear. It's beautiful. Elegant. Brutal. There are not many jobs when you're forced to know exactly who you are. You can't lie to yourself here, because if you lie to yourself, it becomes very obvious. Somebody dies."
"Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer.
This book is now a movie and as with most books turned into movies I'd suggest reading it first and then seeing it. It's an interesting story about a kid who's obviously mixed up and confused and takes a unique road to figuring "it" out. The main character just takes off after college one year and begins tramping around the Western U.S. and eventually ends up in Alaska. Again, this a pretty quick read and the story is told very well by the author. It has a Shakesperean quality to it and I enjoyed the ruggedness of it.
That's all for now, I have a few more I'd like to mention but I want to go read and/or lie down a bit before my son gets up.
Side note: You'll notice that none of them are fictional, in my old age I've found that I have no drive to read about something that didn't really happen. I know there are very well-written books that are fiction, but for me I can't justify taking the time to read a fake story when I could be reading something true and/or learning something I didn't know. I'm all about what I like to call "reality reading."
On to my suggestions and why you should read them:
"Heaven" by Randy Alcorn.
This is a quite lengthy book (I still have a few chapters to finish) but very worth the time required to read it. The author presents a view of Heaven that is totally scriptural and well researched. As one who "grew up" in the church I've found it fascinating. Heaven, at least in my church, wasn't ever talked about in detail and described based on the scriptural glimpses the Bible gives. While the author does make some speculations I don't totally see they are all in accordance with scripture or at least not going against scripture. It's been the most thought provoking book I've read in a long time. For me having a more educated understanding of Heaven or the "end goal" makes the journey here on earth that much easier and clearer. I think a proper view of the goal (and the Bible does give us a decent view, it's not like God left us to guess what our eternity will be like) can significantly impact how one lives their day to day life. The Bible tells us to "keeps our eyes on the things above," if we really do that and know what awaits us in Heaven temptations will become easier to resist and decisions will be easier to make in light of all that God has prepared and will prepare for us. The truths in this book have given me a new respect and appreciation for the speck of time that is our life on this earth compared to an eternity with Jesus, on a New Earth untouched by sin, living in a resurrected body forever in God's presence. It's truly amazing.
ps. For those of you who love John Piper, he's quoted often.
"Walk on Water: Inside an Elite Pediatric Surgical Unit" by Michael Ruhlman.
The author of this book spent a year or so following one of the best pediatric surgeons in the world. It's an intense, detailed look into the world of pediatric heart surgery. Congenital heart defects are the most common defects in the world and as recently as the 1970's mortality rates were incredibly high (%30+). The book does a good job of giving a concise history of this specialized field while at the same time sharing what everyday life is like for these Dr's and patients and patient's families. Obviously I was interested in this book because my son has a heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot and also because his surgeon (who will be doing his full repair in two weeks) happened to be doing a one year fellowship in the exact unit the author is writing about. I suggest the book for anyone for a few reasons, it's really rare to get such an inside look at one of the if not the most intense profession, it's totally engrossing and therefore a quick read, and finally because the information is not only intriguing but tangibly valuable. One of the themes of the book is parents who get thrown into this world and they just don't know their options. A lot of what the Dr. in this book does is correct other hospitals mistakes, parents need to know what questions to ask and that they do indeed have options.
A quote in the book from my sons surgeon Dr. Moga:
"You can't hide when you're a peds heart surgeon, you know who you are and where you stand. Because the stakes are so high, because there's so much at risk, there's no room for dishonesty...It's clear. It's beautiful. Elegant. Brutal. There are not many jobs when you're forced to know exactly who you are. You can't lie to yourself here, because if you lie to yourself, it becomes very obvious. Somebody dies."
"Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer.
This book is now a movie and as with most books turned into movies I'd suggest reading it first and then seeing it. It's an interesting story about a kid who's obviously mixed up and confused and takes a unique road to figuring "it" out. The main character just takes off after college one year and begins tramping around the Western U.S. and eventually ends up in Alaska. Again, this a pretty quick read and the story is told very well by the author. It has a Shakesperean quality to it and I enjoyed the ruggedness of it.
That's all for now, I have a few more I'd like to mention but I want to go read and/or lie down a bit before my son gets up.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Simple Pleasures
I've written before about simple pleasures and the important role they play in everyday life. If you're in the right mindset and have good perspective you'll notice little things that make you smile and make life that much better. Here are a few simple pleasures that currently make my life more enjoyable, feel free to add your own:
- Kissing my wife, there's just something so good and right about a nice gentle smooch.
- Cold drinks
- Basketball games that come down to the last shot
- The hum of a fan
- Naps
- Playing Golden Tee with friends
- Arm hair rubs
- Dancing like an idiot
- Sitting/lying close to my wife
- My son's laughter
- A clean house
- Making my wife feel my flexed arm after a workout (I'm on the road back to my college days of strength)
- Sitting on the couch after the boy has gone to bed
- Doing and saying stupid things with friends
- Reading in quiet
- Singing a good worship song
- Listening to my son grunt out a poop, it's quite funny
- Anticipating the start of another skydiving season
- Thinking of my son after he's totally "fixed"
- Wondering about Heaven (I'm reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn, tis fascinating)
- Did I mention making out with my wife!
- Walking slowly, why rush all the time
- Thinking of the Yod moving back to MN
- Holding my wife's hand, so simple yet so fun
- Kissing my wife, there's just something so good and right about a nice gentle smooch.
- Cold drinks
- Basketball games that come down to the last shot
- The hum of a fan
- Naps
- Playing Golden Tee with friends
- Arm hair rubs
- Dancing like an idiot
- Sitting/lying close to my wife
- My son's laughter
- A clean house
- Making my wife feel my flexed arm after a workout (I'm on the road back to my college days of strength)
- Sitting on the couch after the boy has gone to bed
- Doing and saying stupid things with friends
- Reading in quiet
- Singing a good worship song
- Listening to my son grunt out a poop, it's quite funny
- Anticipating the start of another skydiving season
- Thinking of my son after he's totally "fixed"
- Wondering about Heaven (I'm reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn, tis fascinating)
- Did I mention making out with my wife!
- Walking slowly, why rush all the time
- Thinking of the Yod moving back to MN
- Holding my wife's hand, so simple yet so fun
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Dancing
You should all be preparing to watch basketball all day today. If you are an honorable man you took the day off in advance, if you are not you called in a lie and now lay in shame waiting for the games to begin to numb your guilt.
I sit at home with my boy, giving him the gift of March Madness at a young age.
I sit at home with my boy, giving him the gift of March Madness at a young age.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
A Few Movie Quotes to Brighten Your Day
Woman who just receive help from Rambo: "I don't know what to say."
Rambo: "Then don't say anything."
Kevin Costner to his fiance after she delays in returning back to town: "How's this
gonna work if you don't do what I say?"
Insane criminal: "It's the way of the new world, I am a hero man."
Cobretti (Sly Stallone) right before killing insane criminal: "Nah, you're a disease... and I'm the cure."
Braveheart: "Of course, raising crops will be hard, but that'll all change when my sons arrive."
Surprised girl: "So you've got children then?"
Bheart: "Well not yet, I was hoping you could help me with that."
Even more surpised girl: "Is that your idea of a proposal?"
Bheart: "Aye, I love you, I've always loved you, I want to marry you."
Smooooooooch.
Paulie: "Friends owe!"
Rocky: "Friends don't owe, they do because they wanna do."
Princess Leah: "I love you."
Han Solo (going into carbanite): "I know."
Rambo: "Then don't say anything."
Kevin Costner to his fiance after she delays in returning back to town: "How's this
gonna work if you don't do what I say?"
Insane criminal: "It's the way of the new world, I am a hero man."
Cobretti (Sly Stallone) right before killing insane criminal: "Nah, you're a disease... and I'm the cure."
Braveheart: "Of course, raising crops will be hard, but that'll all change when my sons arrive."
Surprised girl: "So you've got children then?"
Bheart: "Well not yet, I was hoping you could help me with that."
Even more surpised girl: "Is that your idea of a proposal?"
Bheart: "Aye, I love you, I've always loved you, I want to marry you."
Smooooooooch.
Paulie: "Friends owe!"
Rocky: "Friends don't owe, they do because they wanna do."
Princess Leah: "I love you."
Han Solo (going into carbanite): "I know."
Friday, March 7, 2008
College Quotes
When I think back on some of the more amusing memories I have of college there are quotes that usually go along with them. Granted these might not make sense to you unless you were there, but that's okay this is a reminiscing post. Here are some of my favorite quotes that were uttered by myself and my unique co-collegians. Feel free to add any of your own.
"Ronny he was being serious DON'T BE AN IDIOT!"
"Hey, we need to egg the security van."
"I'm dead, I AM SO DEAD!"
"Pippen for threee..." (someone gets bitten) "YEEES!"
"Yeah kids SMOKE IT UP!"
"Dan I'm going to bed, tuck me in."
"GRUS GRUS, WHAT ARE YOUR DOING??? GRUS!!"
"Yeah, they've been in there awhile....they're 'Praying.'"
"Well you're face would look better in a bag."
"Let's moon freshman hill." (said every time entering or leaving the campus)
"IT'S BED TIME!"
"Let's go to the LoveDen."
"Let's go to Best Buy and play Madden."
"*&%^%$$#@ THERE'S F&*^%$# SAND ON THE SIDEWALK!"
"I'm gonna Freak you."
"I'd b*tchslap the ho." (the funniest quote of freshman year, thank you Protz!)
"Let's egg the Tool."
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (reaction from random freshman girl as we drove by with our butts out the window)
"I dare you to run down the hallway naked."
"OPENVIEW FIIISHH!"
"Is he in the LoveCave with her?"
"STOP WALKING!"
"Ronny he was being serious DON'T BE AN IDIOT!"
"Hey, we need to egg the security van."
"I'm dead, I AM SO DEAD!"
"Pippen for threee..." (someone gets bitten) "YEEES!"
"Yeah kids SMOKE IT UP!"
"Dan I'm going to bed, tuck me in."
"GRUS GRUS, WHAT ARE YOUR DOING??? GRUS!!"
"Yeah, they've been in there awhile....they're 'Praying.'"
"Well you're face would look better in a bag."
"Let's moon freshman hill." (said every time entering or leaving the campus)
"IT'S BED TIME!"
"Let's go to the LoveDen."
"Let's go to Best Buy and play Madden."
"*&%^%$$#@ THERE'S F&*^%$# SAND ON THE SIDEWALK!"
"I'm gonna Freak you."
"I'd b*tchslap the ho." (the funniest quote of freshman year, thank you Protz!)
"Let's egg the Tool."
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (reaction from random freshman girl as we drove by with our butts out the window)
"I dare you to run down the hallway naked."
"OPENVIEW FIIISHH!"
"Is he in the LoveCave with her?"
"STOP WALKING!"
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Why I'm Not Ripped
Before January I hadn't worked out regularly since my college days, since then I have managed to work out at least 3 days a week. My atrophied body screamed at me at first but now it's beginning to enjoy the regular exercise. After 8 weeks of lifting I figured I would have gained a little muscle and maybe even a tad of definition, it has not happened. As I pondered this more I thought of a few possible reasons for my inability to become ripped:
1. My body has gone too far into atrophy mode and it will take HGH or other unnatural means to reverse the damage (which I will not do, I'm all natural).
2. My body type is not condusive to becoming ripped.
3. My eating has failed to change enough (ie. I eat lots of crap).
4. My muscles are shy and don't like to stick out and brag.
While all of these are feasible answers for my untoned body I recently realized the true cause. The reason I am not ripped is because of these four words:
Jason
Hetland
Tim
Smith
Rippedness is not in endless supply in our world. Nature only has so much to give and SOME people just take more than everyone else. I won't name names but these people walk around hoarding vast amounts of rippedness leaving people like me "scraping" the bowl looking for any left over remnants. For those of you who have gone back for seconds and thirds and drained Nature's supply, I hope you enjoy your double biceps and defined creases. I shall continue to work out and get stronger but my quest to become ripped will be in vain because you had to be greedy and take all you could get your hands on. Thanks, thanks a lot!
1. My body has gone too far into atrophy mode and it will take HGH or other unnatural means to reverse the damage (which I will not do, I'm all natural).
2. My body type is not condusive to becoming ripped.
3. My eating has failed to change enough (ie. I eat lots of crap).
4. My muscles are shy and don't like to stick out and brag.
While all of these are feasible answers for my untoned body I recently realized the true cause. The reason I am not ripped is because of these four words:
Jason
Hetland
Tim
Smith
Rippedness is not in endless supply in our world. Nature only has so much to give and SOME people just take more than everyone else. I won't name names but these people walk around hoarding vast amounts of rippedness leaving people like me "scraping" the bowl looking for any left over remnants. For those of you who have gone back for seconds and thirds and drained Nature's supply, I hope you enjoy your double biceps and defined creases. I shall continue to work out and get stronger but my quest to become ripped will be in vain because you had to be greedy and take all you could get your hands on. Thanks, thanks a lot!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Make a Memory
Life is meant to be enjoyed. We don't have to wander around and just go through the motions of everyday living without joy. One way to spice things up a bit is to make memories, even in small menial daily tasks/routines we can make a memory.
I'll use the example of a previous post, the Rambo Experience. I'm sure many people thought that was silly and childish but I'll tell you what, years from now when I'm sitting on Luke's porch I won't remember the movie so much but I'll remember the costumes we wore and the fun we had.
Yes, I do know that that was a silly thing and maybe not what God is talking about when He talks about Abundant life, but maybe a part of it is. All I know is that is was good, clean fun and I'm glad to have it as a memory.
My point is this, enjoy the life God has given you. I'm not saying you need to dress up and go to movies, but find ways to make memories and live life abundantly no matter where you are. By doing so you'll give God glory and affect the lives of people around you. A joyful person is a magnetic person, people want to be around joy and have it themselves. There's too much numbness/boredom in the average persons routine, why not shake that up a bit? Luke and I may have looked like idiots but I know we made a few people smile. I encourage you to find ways to make memories in every walk of life.
I'll use the example of a previous post, the Rambo Experience. I'm sure many people thought that was silly and childish but I'll tell you what, years from now when I'm sitting on Luke's porch I won't remember the movie so much but I'll remember the costumes we wore and the fun we had.
Yes, I do know that that was a silly thing and maybe not what God is talking about when He talks about Abundant life, but maybe a part of it is. All I know is that is was good, clean fun and I'm glad to have it as a memory.
My point is this, enjoy the life God has given you. I'm not saying you need to dress up and go to movies, but find ways to make memories and live life abundantly no matter where you are. By doing so you'll give God glory and affect the lives of people around you. A joyful person is a magnetic person, people want to be around joy and have it themselves. There's too much numbness/boredom in the average persons routine, why not shake that up a bit? Luke and I may have looked like idiots but I know we made a few people smile. I encourage you to find ways to make memories in every walk of life.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Beard Lovers
The topic of facial hair has been mentioned on this blog before but a single blog entry is not enough to do it justice.
So I give to you a website dedicated to beards and facial hair in general:
http://www.beardstylings.com
If you read nothing else read the section on Beard Styles and learn what your facial hair says.
The current content is not complete and more articles will be added, the world of beards must have a voice.
So I give to you a website dedicated to beards and facial hair in general:
http://www.beardstylings.com
If you read nothing else read the section on Beard Styles and learn what your facial hair says.
The current content is not complete and more articles will be added, the world of beards must have a voice.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Thanks a lot Cymbalta!
If you've never seen the current commercial for Cymbalta (an anti-depressant drug) I pray you never do. Imagine the most depressing 30 second commercial concievable and you'll have the latest ad for this drug.
I've seen the commercial several times now and every time I do I feel like going to bed and never getting up, walking around with my head down or ignoring everyone around me while I stare at the ground.
To make it worse the commercial sucks you in and you have to watch the whole thing. As they say "misery loves company" and they use that against us the viewing public.
You are sly sly dog Cymbalta, making a product to make people feel better and then going ahead and making a commercial that will ensure you business for a long time. Ugh, I'm going back to bed...
I've seen the commercial several times now and every time I do I feel like going to bed and never getting up, walking around with my head down or ignoring everyone around me while I stare at the ground.
To make it worse the commercial sucks you in and you have to watch the whole thing. As they say "misery loves company" and they use that against us the viewing public.
You are sly sly dog Cymbalta, making a product to make people feel better and then going ahead and making a commercial that will ensure you business for a long time. Ugh, I'm going back to bed...
Friday, February 15, 2008
The Rambo Experience
All such movies should be experienced this way.
Caption for all pictures: Evil Beware!
Caption for all pictures: Evil Beware!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
"Men's Health" Travishamockery!!!
I recently purchased an issue of "Men's Health" magazine and I will never do it again.
Here's what you get when you get an issue of "Men's Health":
-Softcore pornographic pictures and writings
-Tips on how to get buff so you can score chicks
-Tips on how to please those chicks once you score them
What a disgusting magazine, the editors must be loser-college-drunks who are collecting and sharing their techniques for becoming the best male slut you can.
Here's what you get when you get an issue of "Men's Health":
-Softcore pornographic pictures and writings
-Tips on how to get buff so you can score chicks
-Tips on how to please those chicks once you score them
What a disgusting magazine, the editors must be loser-college-drunks who are collecting and sharing their techniques for becoming the best male slut you can.
Monday, February 11, 2008
My ManCuddle List: Pt I
This is my list of manly men with whom I have already ManCuddled with and wish to again as well as those manly men whom I have not yet had the pleasure of ManCuddling with. Feel free to share your MC wish list and if you see your name on the list feel free to offer some times when we might ManCuddle.
It's important to mention that the following lists are far from complete, if I forgot your name and we've MCed worry not, you'll make it on one of the follow-up lists
Editors note: If you don't know what ManCuddling is then you are not yet a man. If you think this whole thing sounds girly and/or feminine your mind is weak and you don't know much about life.
Note: Hets, I apologize that you are not and probably won't ever be on this list, you are too manly and too ripped, I would be worried that you would accidently flex and hurt me.
Those who I've ManCuddled and wish to again some time:
Groove - a very burly ManCuddler, makes me feel safe
Tim Y. - a gentle ManCuddler, makes me feel like a strong protector
Jer - an aggressive ManCuddler, makes me feel desirable
Luke - a calculated, wise ManCuddler, makes me feel certain and confident
Big Sam - a bearish ManCuddler, makes me feel secure and surrounded
Court - a steadfast ManCuddler, makes me want to be a better man
Grus - a violent, impulsive ManCuddler, makes me feel violated
Killer - an understanding ManCuddler, make me feel loved and not alone in this world
Tim S. - an apprehensive ManCuddler, makes me feel aggressive
Protz - a unique ManCuddler, makes me feel wary
Lancer - a shy ManCuddler, makes me feel forward
Those who I wish to ManCuddle sometime soon:
Blaine
Cloka
Phil
Kyle
Ethan
Hets - Forget what I said above, I'll cuddle with the double bi's
Chewbacca
Bear Grylls - the guy is big time, read his book "The Kid who Climbed Everest."
That's all for now, I'll have a more complete wish list in Pt II.
It's important to mention that the following lists are far from complete, if I forgot your name and we've MCed worry not, you'll make it on one of the follow-up lists
Editors note: If you don't know what ManCuddling is then you are not yet a man. If you think this whole thing sounds girly and/or feminine your mind is weak and you don't know much about life.
Note: Hets, I apologize that you are not and probably won't ever be on this list, you are too manly and too ripped, I would be worried that you would accidently flex and hurt me.
Those who I've ManCuddled and wish to again some time:
Groove - a very burly ManCuddler, makes me feel safe
Tim Y. - a gentle ManCuddler, makes me feel like a strong protector
Jer - an aggressive ManCuddler, makes me feel desirable
Luke - a calculated, wise ManCuddler, makes me feel certain and confident
Big Sam - a bearish ManCuddler, makes me feel secure and surrounded
Court - a steadfast ManCuddler, makes me want to be a better man
Grus - a violent, impulsive ManCuddler, makes me feel violated
Killer - an understanding ManCuddler, make me feel loved and not alone in this world
Tim S. - an apprehensive ManCuddler, makes me feel aggressive
Protz - a unique ManCuddler, makes me feel wary
Lancer - a shy ManCuddler, makes me feel forward
Those who I wish to ManCuddle sometime soon:
Blaine
Cloka
Phil
Kyle
Ethan
Hets - Forget what I said above, I'll cuddle with the double bi's
Chewbacca
Bear Grylls - the guy is big time, read his book "The Kid who Climbed Everest."
That's all for now, I'll have a more complete wish list in Pt II.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Shavings Shame
Have you ever wondered why all the manufacturers of razor blades got together and decided to pollute the minds of men and women?
Consider the 2 main components of every commercial that deals with the latest and greatest shaver with 9 razor blades:
1. A buff dude with absolutely no chest hair or any upper body hair (except a preppy short hair cut), he's got shaving cream on his face and is smiling as the new razors glide across his face (even though I guarentee he never had any facial hair to start with).
2. Cue the scantily clad skank who walks around the corner smiling and proceeds to sensually stroke the man's freshly naked face. They share a blissful moment with their faces close enjoying the newly shaved skin.
What does this whole scene/abomination say? It says to the men "Don't be hairy, hair is bad. If you want a woman you better be clean shaven and wax your chest hair away." To the women it says "A desirable man is a shorn man, a man who's void of any excess hair, that's the man you want."
It's truly sickening that these ads are allowed to be aired and damage the collective mind of our society. It's time we take a stand and get some new commercials out there with new components.
For example:
1. A burly man with a nice swath of chest hair and finely trimmed beard carefully shaves around the edges of his beard giving it a nice crisp look.
2. Cue the decent woman who comes around the corner, gives her man an approving smile as she runs her hand through his beard. The couple embrace, the man raises an eyebrow and nods at the camera.
Now that's a commercial! Not only does it make me want to buy such a razor but it gives the proper respect to facial hair. All you razor blade manufacturers feel free to contact me for further consulting, I guarantee sales will soar.
Consider the 2 main components of every commercial that deals with the latest and greatest shaver with 9 razor blades:
1. A buff dude with absolutely no chest hair or any upper body hair (except a preppy short hair cut), he's got shaving cream on his face and is smiling as the new razors glide across his face (even though I guarentee he never had any facial hair to start with).
2. Cue the scantily clad skank who walks around the corner smiling and proceeds to sensually stroke the man's freshly naked face. They share a blissful moment with their faces close enjoying the newly shaved skin.
What does this whole scene/abomination say? It says to the men "Don't be hairy, hair is bad. If you want a woman you better be clean shaven and wax your chest hair away." To the women it says "A desirable man is a shorn man, a man who's void of any excess hair, that's the man you want."
It's truly sickening that these ads are allowed to be aired and damage the collective mind of our society. It's time we take a stand and get some new commercials out there with new components.
For example:
1. A burly man with a nice swath of chest hair and finely trimmed beard carefully shaves around the edges of his beard giving it a nice crisp look.
2. Cue the decent woman who comes around the corner, gives her man an approving smile as she runs her hand through his beard. The couple embrace, the man raises an eyebrow and nods at the camera.
Now that's a commercial! Not only does it make me want to buy such a razor but it gives the proper respect to facial hair. All you razor blade manufacturers feel free to contact me for further consulting, I guarantee sales will soar.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Why my Wife Loves me so Much
The follow beauty will be difficult to digest, women don't leave your men and men don't be jealous...I'm just that good looking.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Should you burn your copy of "Top Gun?"
As I was flipping through the channels the other day I regrettably paused too long on a station and heard the ever increasingly psychotic Tom Cruise speaking. I quickly navigated away from the channel but not before I heard him spew some more of his church of scientology (lower case intended) garbage. The man is brain washed, crazy, annoying and trying to infect others with his disease.
After I finished my little dry heave I thought about my DVD collection and what movies I have that are possessed with TC. Since Tom's craziness has matured and grown over the years it's easy to pick out some of the more recent movies and send them to a firey grave with the exception of "The Last Samurai." The awesomeness of the Samurai and the story as a whole negates the craziness of Tom. All his other recent movies, like "Collateral" or the alien one, aren't good enough stories and don't have a strong enough non-Tom element. However, when I came to "Top Gun" the decision wasn't so clear, seeing that Tom's craziness was in it's infancy perhaps the movie could be spared since it is somewhat of a "classic." I realize that many people probably own this movie so I thought it prudent to share with you my thought process and decision.
I quickly processed a list of pros/cons that looked like this:
Pros (ie. reasons for not burning)
-cool scenes of jets flying through sky and shooting each other
-Goose
-the line "your ego is writing checks your body can't cash
-cheesy, fake emotional Tom after Goose dies
-a very re-watchable story
-stupid, unrealistic stuff like "I'm gonna hit the breaks, he'll fly right by"
-the over the top bar scene with infamous "you never close your eyes..." song
-Ice Man
-cheesy line of the year "THAT'S RIGHT, Ice Man....I am dangerous"
-Tom throwing Goose's id tags like a 3rd grade girl
Cons
-Tom Cruise now represents evil known as scientology
-Tom throwing Goose's id tags like a 3rd grade girl
-cheesy, fake emotional Tom after Goose dies
-Kelly McGillis' acting
-the over the top tongue make-out scenes
-the homo-erotic beach v-ball scene
-knowing that TC is 5 foot 7 and the net was lowered 3 feet for the scene
-TC singing
-Maverick and Goose talking a little too closely and softly while only wearing a towel
-Did I mention that Tom Cruise is crazy and believes that he and all scientologists are "the experts on the mind"
As you can see there are arguments for both sides and many shared arguments. As a result of this seeming parody one might conclude that either burning or not burning "Top Gun" are both okay. You are wrong for thinking so, the weight of the first Con (Tom's craziness) rules out at least 5 of the Pro's. Therefore you Should indeed burn your copy of "Top Gun" and preferably dance around it while it incinerates. The only reason to not immediately set fire to it is if you are waiting and praying for the chance to burn it in front of Tom. If you are going this route, give yourself one year and if you haven't had the chance to publicly burn it just do it at home.
After I finished my little dry heave I thought about my DVD collection and what movies I have that are possessed with TC. Since Tom's craziness has matured and grown over the years it's easy to pick out some of the more recent movies and send them to a firey grave with the exception of "The Last Samurai." The awesomeness of the Samurai and the story as a whole negates the craziness of Tom. All his other recent movies, like "Collateral" or the alien one, aren't good enough stories and don't have a strong enough non-Tom element. However, when I came to "Top Gun" the decision wasn't so clear, seeing that Tom's craziness was in it's infancy perhaps the movie could be spared since it is somewhat of a "classic." I realize that many people probably own this movie so I thought it prudent to share with you my thought process and decision.
I quickly processed a list of pros/cons that looked like this:
Pros (ie. reasons for not burning)
-cool scenes of jets flying through sky and shooting each other
-Goose
-the line "your ego is writing checks your body can't cash
-cheesy, fake emotional Tom after Goose dies
-a very re-watchable story
-stupid, unrealistic stuff like "I'm gonna hit the breaks, he'll fly right by"
-the over the top bar scene with infamous "you never close your eyes..." song
-Ice Man
-cheesy line of the year "THAT'S RIGHT, Ice Man....I am dangerous"
-Tom throwing Goose's id tags like a 3rd grade girl
Cons
-Tom Cruise now represents evil known as scientology
-Tom throwing Goose's id tags like a 3rd grade girl
-cheesy, fake emotional Tom after Goose dies
-Kelly McGillis' acting
-the over the top tongue make-out scenes
-the homo-erotic beach v-ball scene
-knowing that TC is 5 foot 7 and the net was lowered 3 feet for the scene
-TC singing
-Maverick and Goose talking a little too closely and softly while only wearing a towel
-Did I mention that Tom Cruise is crazy and believes that he and all scientologists are "the experts on the mind"
As you can see there are arguments for both sides and many shared arguments. As a result of this seeming parody one might conclude that either burning or not burning "Top Gun" are both okay. You are wrong for thinking so, the weight of the first Con (Tom's craziness) rules out at least 5 of the Pro's. Therefore you Should indeed burn your copy of "Top Gun" and preferably dance around it while it incinerates. The only reason to not immediately set fire to it is if you are waiting and praying for the chance to burn it in front of Tom. If you are going this route, give yourself one year and if you haven't had the chance to publicly burn it just do it at home.
Monday, January 7, 2008
The Ultimate Warrior
John Rambo is returning to the big screen once again to put down the forces of evil as only he can, a one man wrecking machine who saves lives and at the same time ends so many more! As we draw within 18 days of it's release I'm given to pangs of nostalgia and eagerness that can only be compared to Colombus seeing land on the horizon.
I know many, if not all of you will be attending this film and you are probably already planning the appropriate costume. I am currently debating between going in the garb of Rambo III or the much more impressive original Rambo movie outfit, jeans, burlap bag cut up and tied at waist with rope and of course the head band. I do completely endorse any outfits from any of the Rambo movies.
Before I go I'll leave you with a few quotes from the previous Rambo movies that will add to the fire of desire that has already been burning inside. Of course they will be from memory:
Rambo First Blood:
Troutman: You go after him with that many men you better not forget one thing..
Dumb cop: What's that?
Troutman: A lot of body bags.
Rambo holding knife to dumb cops throat after injuring/rendering useless all of his deputies: Raaaaahahhhahhh, I coulda killed em all, let it go...Let it Go.
Rambo explaining to Troutman why he won't come turn himself in: They drew first blood, they drew first blood.
Rambo II:
Rambo responding to idiot Murdock babbling about all the technology and sophisticated stuff that will help him fight: I've always believed the mind is the greatest weapon.
Murdock: Well, times changes.
Rambo: For some people.
Chick on boat in broken English: What bring you luck?
Rambo holding up ginormous knife: This.
Rambo to Murdock on the radio after being left for dead said with the most intense snarl/growl ever: Murdock, I'm coming for you!"
Rambo in helicopter blowing everything/everyone up: RRAAHAHAHRARHAHAAAAAARRARARAAARARARAAARRARRARAARR!
Rambo III:
Russian general torturing Troutman, asking about Rambo: Who do you think this man is...God?
Troutman: No, God would have mercy...he won't.
Rambo after pushing/pulling a stick that went through his side out and biting a bullet to pour the gunpowder into the wound to cleanse it and then lighting it: Aaahah.
Rambo looking at a helicopter, an assorment of armored vehicles and troops responding to a demand to surrender: F*#& em!
I know many, if not all of you will be attending this film and you are probably already planning the appropriate costume. I am currently debating between going in the garb of Rambo III or the much more impressive original Rambo movie outfit, jeans, burlap bag cut up and tied at waist with rope and of course the head band. I do completely endorse any outfits from any of the Rambo movies.
Before I go I'll leave you with a few quotes from the previous Rambo movies that will add to the fire of desire that has already been burning inside. Of course they will be from memory:
Rambo First Blood:
Troutman: You go after him with that many men you better not forget one thing..
Dumb cop: What's that?
Troutman: A lot of body bags.
Rambo holding knife to dumb cops throat after injuring/rendering useless all of his deputies: Raaaaahahhhahhh, I coulda killed em all, let it go...Let it Go.
Rambo explaining to Troutman why he won't come turn himself in: They drew first blood, they drew first blood.
Rambo II:
Rambo responding to idiot Murdock babbling about all the technology and sophisticated stuff that will help him fight: I've always believed the mind is the greatest weapon.
Murdock: Well, times changes.
Rambo: For some people.
Chick on boat in broken English: What bring you luck?
Rambo holding up ginormous knife: This.
Rambo to Murdock on the radio after being left for dead said with the most intense snarl/growl ever: Murdock, I'm coming for you!"
Rambo in helicopter blowing everything/everyone up: RRAAHAHAHRARHAHAAAAAARRARARAAARARARAAARRARRARAARR!
Rambo III:
Russian general torturing Troutman, asking about Rambo: Who do you think this man is...God?
Troutman: No, God would have mercy...he won't.
Rambo after pushing/pulling a stick that went through his side out and biting a bullet to pour the gunpowder into the wound to cleanse it and then lighting it: Aaahah.
Rambo looking at a helicopter, an assorment of armored vehicles and troops responding to a demand to surrender: F*#& em!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Problem: The Now
You may have been expecting a simple, happy-sappy post for the New Year but you will get no such thing from me. This will be the first of many "Problem" posts that I will give to you to so that you (society at large) can learn what you need to do to make your lives better and not have so many regrets. Heed my words, they are wise.
One of the main problems we face today in our American society is the Problem of the Now (PON). People are stupid and sacrifice their morals, dignity and decency for a moment of soulish pleasure. Our society has lost appreciation for longevity and the bigger picture.
There are many things that were given to us for enjoyment and pleasure but they have been abused much to our demise. Rather than enjoy a few splendid cocktails people get wasted which leads to many regretable acts, violence and general foolishness...not to mention the hangover. One could have fun with a few cheap hands of black jack but they go overboard and get addicted to gambling. There's no argument for drugs, they're just plain ridiculous and will only cause pain. Instead of the designed intimacy of sex within marriage physical pleasure has become a selfish, personal event that no longer has meaning or value.
One thing I hear to often (and sadly, from kids in schools where I sub) is "have an open mind," like that's some sort of excuse or reason to dabble in sin. It's said like it's a good thing, as if "having an open mind" has become the best virtue of our culture (granted there are many circumstances where it is indeed good to have an open mind ie. concerning cultural differences, racial equality, etc). Well I'm here to say that it's okay and good to have a CLOSED mind occasionally. You will thank yourself later, regretting doing something wrong is much worse than regretting not trying something.
The best thing you can do is to have a vision for the important things in life and a sense of the bigger picture. Grasping the bigger picture will keep you from using alcohol solely to get wasted and "escape" current circumstances. Having a vision for a pure wedding night will keep you from foolishly giving yourself away to fleeting situations that have no meaning. Knowing that true joy and pleasure come from honest, deep relationships (with God, family, friends, etc) and being a giving person will keep you from searching for those feelings in other dead end areas (ie. gambling, drugs, etc).
For this New Year my prayer is that we would all be more Closed minded and grasp the bigger picture and true joy that has been made available to us. It may seem like going for the immediate pleasure feels good (and it does...for a very short while) but in reality having patience and doing what is Right is what really feels the best. That's the way our world was designed and the sooner we all realize it and start living accordingly the better off we'll all be.
One of the main problems we face today in our American society is the Problem of the Now (PON). People are stupid and sacrifice their morals, dignity and decency for a moment of soulish pleasure. Our society has lost appreciation for longevity and the bigger picture.
There are many things that were given to us for enjoyment and pleasure but they have been abused much to our demise. Rather than enjoy a few splendid cocktails people get wasted which leads to many regretable acts, violence and general foolishness...not to mention the hangover. One could have fun with a few cheap hands of black jack but they go overboard and get addicted to gambling. There's no argument for drugs, they're just plain ridiculous and will only cause pain. Instead of the designed intimacy of sex within marriage physical pleasure has become a selfish, personal event that no longer has meaning or value.
One thing I hear to often (and sadly, from kids in schools where I sub) is "have an open mind," like that's some sort of excuse or reason to dabble in sin. It's said like it's a good thing, as if "having an open mind" has become the best virtue of our culture (granted there are many circumstances where it is indeed good to have an open mind ie. concerning cultural differences, racial equality, etc). Well I'm here to say that it's okay and good to have a CLOSED mind occasionally. You will thank yourself later, regretting doing something wrong is much worse than regretting not trying something.
The best thing you can do is to have a vision for the important things in life and a sense of the bigger picture. Grasping the bigger picture will keep you from using alcohol solely to get wasted and "escape" current circumstances. Having a vision for a pure wedding night will keep you from foolishly giving yourself away to fleeting situations that have no meaning. Knowing that true joy and pleasure come from honest, deep relationships (with God, family, friends, etc) and being a giving person will keep you from searching for those feelings in other dead end areas (ie. gambling, drugs, etc).
For this New Year my prayer is that we would all be more Closed minded and grasp the bigger picture and true joy that has been made available to us. It may seem like going for the immediate pleasure feels good (and it does...for a very short while) but in reality having patience and doing what is Right is what really feels the best. That's the way our world was designed and the sooner we all realize it and start living accordingly the better off we'll all be.
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