The ManCrush

I'm sure many of you have heard of something called "The ManCrush." It is a term that gets thrown around and is often misunderstood by both men and women. I shall set the record straight today and tell you all you need to know about The ManCrush. I'll give you a brief definition and elaborate on it so you can know what a Manly ManCrush is and more importantly know if you are going too far and at risk of losing your ManHood by Crushing on a man instead of ManCrushing.

A ManCrush is defined as: An unusually strong appreciation for and attraction to the Skills, Abilities, and Character of another man.

The key here is that the attraction/appreciation that a ManCrushing man has on another man is firmly based on a certain Skill and/or Ability. A ManCrush has nothing to do with the physical appeal of another man. That isn't to say that a man cannot appreciate and acknowledge the physical prowess of another man, but that cannot be the basis of a ManCrush.

For example, I have a ManCrush on Blaine Waters. He is an extremely talented guitar player/singer, a fine golfer and a master of the Golden Tee machine. Also, Blaine happens to be a fine looking man over whom the women swoon.

Notice how my ManCrushing is based solidly on Blaine's skills and after that I add the side note of appreciation for his God gifted physical appearance. If the order was switched around that would not qualify as a ManCrush and even worse that would disqualify me as a man. A true ManCrush is indeed a Manly thing and a good thing, but it is also a dangerous thing. You must have the solid foundation I'm talking about here and you must be careful that you don't wander into Crushing versus ManCrushing.
One way to protect yourself is to have more than one ManCrush at any given time. If you have just one ManCrush it can be too easy to over Crush, if you have two that way your appreciation of Manliness is spread out a bit and you're less likely to go too far. Two is the ideal number, you could argue for three but if you have three ManCrushes you're just thinking about men too much overall. It's best if you stick with two, one as the starter (obviously your main ManCrush at the time) and then a back-up to balance yourself out. As you live life you'll realize that ManCrushes will come and go, that's totally fine just be sure to stick with two at a time.

Personally I am at the optimum ManCrush number of two, the above mentioned Blaine Waters and also my sons cardiologist Dr. Gremmels. A very smart/skilled Dr. who is basically saving my boys life, also he dresses very sharply (notice there again, it's okay to acknowledge such things as nice ties as long as the foundation of the ManCrush was the skill and ability of the man).

A lot of ManCrushes can be found in Professional sports, I know a couple of friends who are currently ManCrushing on Adrian Peterson. That's totally fine, there are admiring his skill and ability to run people over.

I'm glad I could bring some clarity and give you a few guidelines for this oft gray subject. The ManCrush is nothing to fear, when handled properely it is Manly emotion that all men experience.

29 Answers

Today my body turns 29, I say my body because my mind is infinitely wiser than any other 29 year old and cannot be measured in years. As a gift to you I will answer 29 random questions about my life that I sense you all are curious about.

1. Yes, I had an MRI on my hip this week because my dance moves are so incredible mere perfect human hips can't handle them.

2. No, I did not get claustrophic in the MRI machine...I napped.

3. No, there does not exist a good reason for shaving chest hair (Applicable only to Males).

4. Yes, Man Crushes are acceptable for men (I'll explain further and define the parameters of the ManCrush in my next post).

5. Of course I'm excited for my wife's company's holiday party where I will eat copious amounts of awesome shrimp and mildly partake in the open bar.

6. Yes, I have sung karaoke using the super sappy song from "Nottinghill."

7. No, that is not girly. I followed the ManRules for karaoke and thus the song selection was negated (I'll explain karaoke rules at a later date).

8. Yes, I did once run down Chicago's Navy pier barking at the tourist boat called "The Seadog."

9. Yes, the boat captain honked the horn.

10. No, I did not surf in the Pacific Ocean when I was there and it was 46 degrees, I thought about it though.

11. Of course I at least ran through the ocean surf in nothing but rolled up jeans humming "Chariots of Fire."

12. Yes, Courtney and I flashed the Pacific Ocean from a cliff.

13. Yup, there's photographic evidence....from behind.

14. No, you can't see it.

15. No, I did not like having two dogs chase my wife and I while on a shaky scooter on some back streets in the Bahamas.

16. Yes, I have been to Prague and yes Ben and I chased down two drunks fighting over passports, Ben pushed one guy over, there was wrestling about and I sat on one guy while the cops came.

17. Naturally, I went snowshoeing in British Columbia and of course Tim and I faked a fight and make-up in a series of photos on the way up.

18. Yes, I did moon the mountains while skiing in Colorado.

19. Again, yes there is photographic evidence and you can't see it.

20. Definitely! Jumping out of a hot air balloon at the same time as my soon to be wife was the best "rush" experience of my life.

21. Actually yeah, I have ridden the Stock Market bull in lower Manhattan, Luke did too and of course there are pictures (you can see those if you want).

22. Most Cetainly, I drove with Jeremy to why-not Minot, North Dakota to buy cowboy hats and yes we listened to country music and rode horses and went to the Blind Duck.

23. Yes, during road trips I've been known to remove my shirt and hang out of a window and/or sunroof and howl and/or fake box to the Rocky soundtrack, it wakes people up and can lead to a few laughs.

24. No, Jeff and I did not feel bad for driving to Chicago and totally mooching off Luke as he was on a company trip, gotta love friends who have expense accounts.

25. What kind of person do you think I am??? Of course I avoided the guy selling cocaine in Jamaica and yes I said no to the guy who waded out to me while I was snorkeling and pulled a bag of weed out and told me I could pay him later.

26. Alpine Valley, that's my favorite place for concerts and I think I've gone to 4 (all Dave Matthews Band).

27. Yeah it was kinda crazy when my wife and I were in Palm Springs getting snowed on up on a mountain and then 30 minutes later we were down and hot in the sun.

28. Strange but true, I did see a man with a machine gun tell Jesse he couldn't use the handicap bathroom while we were in Amsterdam on a layover.

29. Of course, I know you had a great time reading this and yes I will be back next year with 30 more answers that you will thoroughly enjoy as you have these.

Manly Music

At the end of my last post I referenced a song known as "My Rifle, My Pony and Me" without ever thinking that someone might not know the song (which seemed so preposterous it didn't even register as possible).
The thought that there are ears out there that haven't been blessed to hear this song is truly tragic and I almost experience emotion at the thought of it...almost.

For those poor individuals who have never heard/read this song I give you the lyrics now, ponder them and then find a way to listen to the song (the Dean Martin version of course)...you will be a better person for it.

"The sun is sinking in the west
The cattle go down to the stream
The redwing settles in the nest
It's time for a cowboy to dream

Purple light in the canyons
That's where I long to be
With my three good companions
Just my rifle, pony and me

Gonna hang (gonna hang) my sombrero (my sombrero)
On the limb (on the limb) of a tree (of a tree)
Coming home (coming home) sweetheart darling (sweetheart darling)
Just my rifle, pony and me
Just my rifle, my pony and me

(Whippoorwill in the willow
Sings a sweet melody
Riding to Amarillo)
Just my rifle, pony and me
No more cows (no more cows) to be roping (to be roping)
No more strays will I see
Round the bend (round the bend) she'll be waiting (she'll be waiting)
For my rifle, pony and me
For my rifle, my pony and me"

Man-Answers: Conditioner

In life there are many areas in which one may ask "Is what I am doing manly?" Some issues may involve seemingly minor daily activites while others will deal with deeper, character issues. It is my goal (which means it is already accomplished it's just a matter of time) to shed some light on a few of these questions and in the process give you the invaluable tools that I like to call ManPrinciples. These Principles will help you address any issue/circumstance and act accordingly in a Manly fashion. It is important to note however that often times more than one principle can be applied to a specific situation (as will you see in the following paragraphs), thus it is imperative that you read carefully and learn how and to what degree to apply said Principles.

Todays topic: Is it Manly to have a bottle of Conditioner and of Shampoo instead of combining the two and buying one all purpose bottle?

A blatant "No" seems like the obvious answer based upon one of the strongest ManPrinciples:

MP - Efficiency: "In any given situation the best and most Manly method of accomplishing a goal is that which requires the least amount of time and/or effort to SUCCESSFULLY accomplish that goal."

(Note the emphasis on "Successfully." Doing things quickly and haphazardly is not Manly, this is why a trip to the bathroom may take a man 30 + minutes and still be within the confines of the Efficient Principle. One must take the appropriate time and energy to ensure that the task at hand is properly accomplished while also not wasting time.)

After some further thought however, you can see how having a separate bottle for each stage of cleansing also falls under the Efficient Principle as it arguably leads to a more Successful hair washing experience. Plus, if you are married it is likely that your spouse will tend to be a 2 bottle hair cleanser and by not cluttering up the shower with multiple bottles you will line up with another ManPrinciple:

MP - Consolidation: "In most areas of life (esp. verbal communication, shopping, shaving) Less Is More."

We can even go a step further to defend the 2 bottle method as yet another ManPrinciple can come into play:

MP - Single Tasking - "A man should only do one specific thing at any given time as to fully lend his attention and deal appropriately with it."

You could say that by shampooing alone and conditioning alone you are adhering to this MP. As you can see this topic is more complicated than it originally appears.
The one bottle method does have another advantage as it lends to a faster washing and more time to relax in the shower. During which time you pretend you are in the depths of the forest during a rain shower while you set up camp beside a stream, make a fire and a cup of black coffee while contemplating how much of the bear to eat that you killed earlier in the day. You go through your supplies and say "Should we find a town tomorrow Duke or make do with what we can kill," Duke (your horse...obviously) softly nickers and you smirk "that's what I thought boy, we'll head out early and see if we can't catch up with this old boy's (stabbing a piece of bear meat) brother." After dinner you break into a little chorus of Dean Martin's "My Rifle, My Pony and Me" as you fade off into a fitful sleep of war nightmares and the man you used to be.

Final Verdict: It is okay and Manly to either use 2 bottles, 1 shampoo and 1 conditioner or 1 dual purpose bottle for your showering needs.

Meat?

I'm sure many of you are wondering whether or not I was able to provide some winter meat for my child and wife while hunting last weekend. The answer is yes, I killed a beast of the forest. It was not a large beast but it will make for good eating.
The killing itself was not an experience for the weak. I patiently waited for the creature of misfortune to step into an ideal position for me to shoot, I shot and hit the spot I was aiming for...naturally, and the deer dropped immediately. The reason I say it was a killing not for the weak is because as I approached the deer it was sitting in a pose not unlike one you might see in a magazine. Its ears were perked and it's big brown eyes were staring at me as if to say "you shot me and I can't move and I'm terrified but yet feel peaceful as I lay here slowly dying, please shoot me again so I may die faster but before you do know that I am grateful to you for allowing me to sustain your family this winter and for ending my life quickly so that I may forgo a winter of starvation and/or being painfully eaten by wolves."
With a nod and a wink I acknowledged the beasts plea, my rifle spoke swiftly and mercifully, there were a few last gasps of warm breath and then the creature lay still waiting to fulfill its destiny as my dinner.
I graciously gutted the deer and dragged it from the woods, soon its meat will don my dining table, oh the wonderful cycle of nature...such a beautiful thing.

Quote for the Week

Jerk Dad (JD): "You increased your lands......."

Guilty Son (GS): "Lands, titles..nothing, I have nothing! Men fight for me because if they do not I starve their wives and their children and throw them off my land. Those men...that bled the ground red at Falkirk, they fought for William Wallace and he fights for something that I've never had AND I TOOK THAT FROM HIM WHEN I BETRAYED HIM AND I SAW IT ON HIS FACE ON THE BATTLE FIELD AND IT'S TEARING ME APART!

(JD): All men lose heart, all men betray..

(GS): I DON'T WANNA LOSE HEART, I want to believe as he does.....I will never be on the wrong side again."

Wow, I have chills and if you don't and more importantly don't know where those line are from there is something wrong with you.

ps. Yes, those lines and many others are all from memory.

Photo Ops?

On this Halloween of 2007 I offer a light yet serious selection of photos to address the following question:

Is a snarl and/or sinister smirk and/or growl the best possible face a man can make in any situation?

The answer is a most definitive YES!

Enjoy.

A Few Thoughts

During the last 2 weeks my boy has been sick and thus there hasn't been a lot of sleeping going on in the house, during this time of semi-consciousness I've had many random thoughts float through my head. I will share some of them with because I'm sure there are a few that are quite profound.

Thoughts while neither fully awake or asleep:

I really enjoy spicy food.

The last race at the end of "Chariots of Fire" is still one of the top 5 goosebump scenes in cinematic history.

I've been watching and enjoying Survivor, although I'm immensely more excited to start watching The Amazing Race (the second greatest reality show right behind Ted Nugent's show which will never be topped).

Kris Collins is now a married man, congrats!

Gun opener is next weekend and I look forward to killing a beast or two, ripping it's guts out with my hands and bringing the meat home for my wife and boy to feed upon.

I regularly find inch + long eyebrow hairs and I must say that I'm excited at the prospect of being an old man with long wispy eyebrow hairs.

What if bruises never healed?

The combination of a crisp fall afternoon and the smell of grilling is refreshingly fabulous.

Adelvise, adelvise every morning you greet me, small and white, clean and bright, you look happy to me, to me....

I'm convinced that in Heaven when the angles sing it sounds like a thousand box fans running in unison, such a peaceful wonderful sound.

Cesar Milan (the Dogwhisperer) should be involved in all international disputes/peace talks/political debates/etc. When anyone gets out of line he can do his chhtt cchhhtt thing and if gets really bad he could just pin them to the groud and hold them there until they demonstrate calm submissiveness.

Blossom of winter bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever!

Pretentious people suck, you all know who you are so just knock it off.

I shot baskets the other day for the first time in a long time, I proceeded to hit 95 out of 100 freethrows and I was about %80 from 3-pt range and beyond....I was thoroughly disappointed.

"Like your work, love your wife." Wise words from Del Griffith (you better know what movie this is from).

Dogs that are under a certain weight need a different name, it just seems so wrong to lump a 2 lb Chihauhau yipper in the same category as an 80 lb loyal, house protecting, burglar eating German Shepherd. I'm open to suggestions, I've only come up with Ferats (cause they're more like rats and ferrets), Dunnies, or Pogs.

I'l finish this rambling with another good quote: "Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them." Thank you Mr. Abraham Lincoln.


A picture of my personal facial hair was requested so here's some minor winter growth that I had last year (growth time was approximately 2 days). This year I look forward to repeating the same beard and maybe even letting it go a little longer.

Facial Hair

As men most of us have the unique priviledge to grow and groom hair that grows upon our face. It is a gift that God has given us and we ought utilize it to some extent at least once a year.
I personally always have at least a little scruff, it's been over a year since a blade has touched my cheeks, and enjoy growing a full beard during the winter months.

I encourage you to explore the endless world of facial hair and use this gift that we men have. Here are some examples of very dedicated men who take advantage of their abilities.

It's Dusty in Here

Is it okay for men to cry? This question has been discussed many times throughout history and I shall finally put the issue to rest.
First we must make a very important distinction between crying and sobbing. I define crying for men as "teary eyes and/or an obvious display of uncomfortable emotion, ie. looking away, gritting of teeth." A single tear, and only a single tear is allowable in some instances. Sobbing is "an extensive, charasmatic display of extreme emotion in which tears flow down the cheeks, whimpering is heard perhaps wailing, all while the shoulders bob up and down with the pain of the afflicted."

It is indeed okay for men to experience both of these forms of what I call "occular discharge," however the events during which said emotions may acceptably be displayed are very specific.

Sobbing may be publicly displayed during times of extreme personal loss. The best example being Maximus in "Gladiator" when he finds his wife and child. An example of bad, inexcusable sobbing that greatly detracted from Manhood would be either Johnny Fontaine in "Godfather Pt 1" when the Godfather had to slap him for crying about his career or Adam Morrison when he wept like a little girl after losing a basketball game.

Note: If you can ever follow up a sobbing session by becoming an unbeatable gladiator and overthrowing an evil Emperor it is preferred.

For crying there is a little more freedom, but not too much. It is acceptable in the following instances: funerals (single tear allowed, assuming that any sobbing session already occured if not sobbing is allowed/recommended), your dog of more than 4 years dies (single tear acceptable if more than 12 years and you're there to say goodbye while they're put to sleep), after visiting a friend/family member who is in physical peril/pain (single tear allowed), listening to William Wallace scream "freeeeeeddooomm" at the end of "Braveheart," after retiring from a sport as long as you played at least 10 years (single tear allowed if done in private), watching your offspring excel in some area of life and telling them your proud of them. That's pretty much it.
There are many other situations in which strong emotions are acceptable but for men the best way to express those emotions is by hitting something instead of crying.

Important Note: Tears caused not by emotion do not count as crying, ie. accidentally snorting jalapeno seeds, getting punched in the nose.

Very Important Note: Physical pain is Never an excuse for crying! Swearing, grunting, yelling and pounding the ground are all acceptable but tears are not an option.

Things I've learned this week...

A sick baby = lots of work and no sleep

I can function after several nights of no more than an hour of undisturbed sleep, I may not be coherent but I can function.

That's all for now, I must go nap.

Already a Fan

I was born in MN and raised by a Packer fan and thus have had trouble finding my Pro Football fan indentity. For all other sports I'm a MN man, T-wolves, Twins and Wild all the way (although I'm not much of a hockey fan), but for football I'm basically a player. I like 2 teams that are bitter rivals, Vikes/Pack. I know it's ridiculous but I was a mere boy when this happened and I can't change history. I have never been able to leave one completely for the other. When Favre is gone my interest in the Pack will drop considerably, but the damage has already been done. I'm a Pro Football polygamist, there I said it. I'm not proud of it, it's the just the path that my life has taken.

However, for college football I have been able to fully commit to my MN Gophers. There was a time in my youth when my Dad's affinities for Michigan seeped into me but my feelings never got much past respect and appreciation for the history. I have always rooted for the Gophers and look forward to Brewster taking us to the Rose Bowl, I am a one college team man forever.

For my son I would like to pass on the loyalty to the Gophers and as you will see below, it's a good fit, they were made for each other. As far as Pro teams go I will only encourage him to pick his team and stick with it, it's tough being a polygamist fan in today's world and I don't want him to have to go through the persecution that I have.

Here's another fan who will hopefully grow up as the Gopher's firmly establish a winning tradition:

Rules for Replying

Recently I had to delete a comment on this site because of the careless and utterly ridiculous manner in which it was written. To avoid such wastes of cyberspace in the future I will give you a few guidelines/rules for commenting on this site. Adhere to them closely, not doing so will waste my readers and my time but more importantly hinder your growth as an intelligent human being.

Rules for Replying:

Don't ever give theDan advice, it's like telling Grizzly Adams how to grow a beard, absolutely insane and unnecessary.

NEVER question or even comment on theManliness of theDan unless it's to say how amazing it is.

Never ridicule another commenter, you may question and gently criticize but it my job alone to ridicule.

Don't make depressing posts, yes most of you have a long way to go as human beings but there is Always hope, just keep reading and learning. You can become a relatively intelligent person.

Don't make assumptions.

Read your comment aloud 5 times before posting it so you can make as much sense as your mind can possible make.

Don't cuss or insult Jeremiah Johnson, it's classless (if you don't know who Jeremiah Johnson is, find out).

Don't write any dissenting opinions, rather reread what I wrote in a quiet room with a glass of water. If you still don't agree or see my wisdom begin to contemplate what is wrong with you.

Don't drink and post.

Never post while crying. I do know that my words will often bring tears of guilt, inadequacy and general malaise for where you're at in life, but you must not comment in such a mood. Wait until you are not so overcome with emotion and in a more stable state of mind.

Following these simple rules will guarentee a valuable interaction between myself and all of you. I am here for your betterment.

A Little Make Out

Last Monday I made a quick observation that would make your week and life better. I've decided to make that a weekly occurence, I will try to write a post each Monday (schedule permitting) that will give you a little piece of wisdom to make life a little better for you.

This weeks post is for married people only, those of you who are engaged may read and save the advice. Those of you who are single may take the next few minutes that you would've spent reading this post to ponder the following: is theDan good enough to beat himself in (insert any form of one on one competition)?

As we grow older life tends to get more busy, more responsibilities are put on us and our schedules become much more constricted. As married couples, especially with children, we must make sure that we are taking time to make out a bit. It's easy and justified after a tiring day of working and/or parenting to just plop down on the couch and veg out for a bit. As a master of couch sitting I cannot say there is anything wrong with that, however, I will say that every so often it's good to grab your lady or vica versa (lady grab your man) and get down to kissing. If you do this even once a week you'll find that life is a little better. There's just something about good make out that is so right. Now don't get me wrong, there are other forms of intimacy that are Very important for us married folk ( *eyebrow raised in suggestive manner with smirk on my face* ) but we must not lose touch with the simple make out session.
All you husbands take a night this week to surprise your lady with a little couch make out session (or back seat of the car if you want to be spontaneous...even if it's in the driveway). Do it at least once, maybe even twice this week, lips were made for kissing!

Before I leave you to plan your lip loving I must clarify specifically what I mean by Making Out.
I define Making Out as "sustained smooching that follows an ebb and flow of soft, gentle kissing and more vigorous, passionate lip-locking with the occasional neck smooch/nuzzle and ear nibble." It's important to note that while groping does occur it is PG-13 groping (arms, some leg, back, neck, partial buttock) and all clothes stay on.

Have fun this week with your kissing, if you need specific information on types of kisses and techniques feel free to ask, I am an overflowing well of knowledge.

Rare Beauty

I'll be the first to admit that I am not the only man is this world who is wise And looks stunning in a mustache. There's another such man who lives in Canada and shares his vast sports knowledge with the world. His name is Jeff and you can find his words and Utterly Amazing picture here: www.mwsr.blogspot.com

Also, here in Minnesota there is another man with immense wisdom who focuses on the Gophers....and just plain looks good. He is theJer and he can be found at: www.gopherfootball.blogspot.com

Take a Nap

A quick observation for your Monday:

This world is full of morons and over dramatic freaks who flip out if their coffee is too hot, the red light doesn't turn green fast enough, if so and so called them a name, blah blah blah. A lot of the time the problem is that people are just plain stupid, too high strung, and don't have correct perspective. These people need some serious help and I will dedicate a future, more in-depth post on how they can stop being so ridiculous. However, there are some relatively normal people, capable of logical thought who also flip out. It is you people I direct this brief morsel of wisdom: Take a Nap. If you just take a few minutes to totally relax you'll be amazed at how your daily attitude and outlook will be improved. If you can't take a nap, take a slow walk to lunch or a slow walk to the bathroom. Just set aside a few moments of your day to forget the rush of the world around you and veg out. Yes, this is rather simple, obvious advice and yes it is somehow packed with wisdom and insight.

Learn from a perfect babe and the wise one who sired him:

ManHood

Before I write a little bit about being a Man I feel I must share a quick story. I was talking to a good friend of mine (for privacy I'll just say his name is Tim Smith) and we were having a normal chat when a profound thing was spoken. I was giving out life-bettering advice and this phrase just flowed out of me: "If I know one thing Tim, it's everything." I didn't even think before I said it and I'm not sure where it came from, but it certainly fits. Apparently I know myself as well as I thought I did.

On to the subject at hand: Manhood. Manhood is one of those things that shouldn't have to be explained or asked about, men should just know what it is and that should be that. However, in this world of metrosexuals (aka. women) where chivalry is often a thing of the past I feel it necessary to share some rather obvious points about Manhood. My intent is that males take this information and check to see if you are indeed a Man and if not find out what things you can do to be a man. For my female readers my intent is for you to gain a set of standards by which any real Man will easily measure up to so you won't settle for less.

Important Note: The following information is by no means a complete compilation. Due to the vast numbers of flaky "men" out there I will continue to occassionaly write on this topic in the hopes of seeing a few lost souls find there way.

Note: I will be writing using "If....Then" statements and since I am a husband and father now I will being writing some statements concerning Manly husbands and Manly fathers.

If you are a Man Then:

You enjoy the ability to grow and groom generous amounts of facial hair, and if you don't have the ability you at least envy those who do and appreciate looking at a good thick beard.

Competition is fun for you, whether it be participating in or watching.

Grilling is something that you not only enjoy but insist upon (important note: grilling vegetables IS manly...as long as there is a meat course that goes along with it).

You spend time with your family. As the Godfather himself, Don Corleone said "A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man."

You know what movie the previous quote came from.

You love your wife and children, if applicable. Notice the two go together, it is Not possible to be a good father without being a loving husband. The single most important thing a Manly husband does is love his wife, the most important woman in his children's life. No matter how much time and love you give your kids you are Not a good Manly father if you don't love their mother and Show it.

The thought of chicken wings and beer make you salivate.

You realize that all men have a jerk gene in them and we will be jerks to the people we love, but a Manly Man doesn't just accept that, he works at it and strives to lessen the frequecy of being a jerk.

If fire + guns + gas + woods + boxer whiffleball + the greasiest food ever = good times for you.

The longest periods of time that you spend in the bathroom are not used for getting ready or showering.

You enjoy accomplishing things and providing for those who need you.

If God gave you bountiful chest hair you realize it's a good thing and leave it there.

You've read all these things and agreed with everything stated.

That's all for now, soak these in and make changes where you need to, I'll leave you with this quote from Mr. Vince Lombardi:

"Leadership rests not only upon ability, not only upon capacity; having the capacity to lead is not enough. The leader must be willing to use it. His leadership is then based on truth and character. There must be truth in the purpose and will power in the character."

I'm Back

After a long sabbatical and many life changes I have once again returned to the cyber world. I, theDan, am back to enlighten, enrich and at times rebuke. If you have not read or heard of me before (which would indeed surprise me) you may ask yourself how am I qualified to speak with wisdom on all subjects of life or give the correct advice in any situation? To such a query I shall respond with this: How is a bird qualified to fly, or a fish to swim, or a lion to hunt and kill the weakest of the herd? I was born this way and must give of my gifts to make this world just a little bit more sane.

This site shall be used to do just that, I will make serious, deep posts that will make your lives better if you heed my words. I shall also lighten your days with a post here and there drenched with my unique humor so that you may laugh heartily and be at ease. I leave it to you to discern which posts are which, a hint: I'm a very serious man and most of my posting will be on grave matters that you Need to listen to me about.
If you have questions feel free to write in, I will deem if they are worthy of answering and respond accordingly.

I am now a husband and father and will graciously allow you to hear and see how my family is doing from time to time. I have a wonderful wife and a splendid son (www.babyporta.blogspot.com) and am very grateful for all I've been given.

I leave you now with a few photos and a warning, the awesomeness of the pictures below may overwhelm you to the point of shock. You will be seeing an incredible mustache, the perfect baby boy, the perfect wondrous wife, scroll down slowly.